Baking Cookies, Breaking Stereotypes: How One Queer Teen Served Sweet Revenge
Picture this: You’re a queer teen in the American South, quietly living your best life, when your best friend’s dad (let’s call him Patrick) suddenly morphs from “tolerant” to “torrential” the moment you swap long locks for a short, stylish haircut. His homophobia simmers, his rants intensify, and your mere existence allegedly threatens to “corrupt” his precious daughter. What’s a nonbinary, aromantic-asexual cookie enthusiast to do?
Answer: You kill him with kindness—a whopping 48 homemade chocolate chip cookies’ worth of kindness, to be exact.
The Recipe for Petty Perfection
Our story, plucked straight from Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge (thanks to u/DawningFlower), is as rich and layered as a gooey chocolate chip cookie. For years, OP (original poster) was seen by Patrick as the “ideal influence” for his daughter—reserved, polite, and, crucially, able to pass under the radar as heteronormative. But one fateful haircut later, the mask was off, and so were the gloves—at least on Patrick’s side.
Patrick, however, wasn’t the confrontational type. Instead, he opted for the classic “vent to everyone but the person involved” approach, unleashing his bigoted grievances on his family and pressuring his daughter to ditch her “questionable” friend. OP, meanwhile, was quietly stewing. As OP reflected, “If he had a problem with it, then it’s ME he should take his grievances out on. My friend shouldn’t be the one getting all the flack for me simply existing.”
But why stoop to his level? Instead, OP crafted a plan as sweet as it was strategic: befriend the entire family—Patrick’s sons, his wife, even their D&D dice-rolling routines. As u/VivianDiane put it, “You didn't sink to his level, you built a better one around him.” By the time Patrick next tried to grumble about OP, he was outnumbered in his own home.
Cookies: The Ultimate Weapon of Mass Disarmament
The pièce de résistance? Cookies. Not just any cookies—Patrick’s favorite, lovingly baked from scratch during culinary class, in a batch so huge it could feed a football team (or, perhaps, crush a grudge).
As OP described, “I make him a(n inconveniently big) batch of 48 large, homemade chocolate chip cookies for his birthday.” Why? Because now, not only was OP beloved by every member of the family, but Patrick also had to explain why he disliked the person who just elevated his birthday with baked bliss.
Reddit’s peanut gallery immediately latched onto the brilliance of this move. u/CoderJoe1 joked, “Cookies? I, um, might just have issues with you as well. I also like peanut butter cookies if you want to change up your vengeance.” Others, like u/Macho-nurin, coined the phrase “CORRUPTOR COOKIES!” while u/That_Old_Cat declared: “Come over to the Dark Side, we have cookies!” The consensus? If this is what queer corruption tastes like, sign the whole internet up.
Short Hair, Don’t Care: Smashing Stereotypes with Sprinkles
Beyond the sweet revenge, the post sparked a lively discussion on short hair, stereotypes, and the absurdity of “queer contagion.” Many commenters, like u/Peanut083, shared stories of their own: “I’ve never understood why there are people out there who think that women who cut their hair short must be lesbians or otherwise queer.” Another teacher recounted how her new bob haircut instantly triggered rumors that she’d “turned lesbian,” while u/Key_Charity9484 joked about how driving a Subaru and sporting a cropped cut led coworkers to quietly assume her sexuality—until flowers from a man arrived.
But perhaps the sharpest take came from u/ChickinSammich: “I’ve never understood the ‘being around queer people will turn you queer’ argument unless the person making the argument is admitting there’s a chance it could happen to them. Like, my dude, would you turn gay if you hung out with gay guys? No? Then why would anyone else?” Others took it further, quipping that, by that logic, queers should “aggressively include [homophobes] into every social event and group to support their conversion.”
It’s a funny, poignant reminder that sometimes, the best way to battle ignorance is with a wink, a smile, and a plate of cookies.
Killing with Kindness: The Long Game Wins
Reddit loves a good “kill them with kindness” story—especially when it’s executed with such finesse. As u/Arkell-v-Pressdram succinctly put it, “Killing them with kindness, a revenge tale as old as time. I love it.” The community praised OP’s patience and refusal to stoop to Patrick’s level. u/Big-Ad4382 summed it up: “You write beautifully and your willingness to be the bigger person—even in a pettiness context—is hugely impressive. It also says how much you care about your friend and the rest of the family.”
And the aftermath? Patrick’s wife finally called him out, and the nasty comments dried up like a burnt batch of cookies. As OP later clarified, “After some false kindness and much frustration over the years, I have since yet to hear much more (or any) comments regarding our friendship and hopefully it stays that way.”
The Last Crumb
If there’s a lesson here, it’s that you don’t always need to fight fire with fire—sometimes, a little sugar does the trick. And if you’re accused of being a “bad influence” just for existing, there’s no better comeback than being so genuinely kind (and so universally adored) that your critics end up looking like the only real villains in the room.
So here’s to “corruptor cookies,” rainbow-frosted defiance, and the power of quietly, deliciously, changing the narrative—one batch at a time.
What about you? Have you ever served up a sweet slice of revenge—or a literal cookie—to someone who doubted you? Share your stories, recipes, and favorite flavors in the comments below. After all, the best revenge is sometimes just living (and baking) well.
Original Reddit Post: So you wanna be homophobic? Here, have a cookie.