Bamboo, Bluetooth, and Pure Suburban Sass: A Masterclass in Petty Revenge
If you’ve ever fantasized about outwitting an impossible neighbor with a flair for creative, perfectly legal revenge, buckle up. Today’s tale from Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge is the story of one homeowner’s epic, botanically-enhanced battle against barking dogs, backyard chaos, and a neighbor whose personality could curdle milk.
It’s a saga with everything: a surly dog breeder, relentless barking, a beloved tree, and, yes, the most strategic use of bamboo and Bluetooth speakers this side of a music festival. Let’s dive into the petty warfare that captivated over a thousand Redditors—and maybe pick up a few tricks along the way.
When Good Fences Make Bad Neighbors
Our hero, u/MirthlessJester, lives in a tight-knit neighborhood where everyone generally gets along—except for “that guy.” Five years ago, this neighbor and his much-younger girlfriend moved in with a pair of dangerous dogs that wasted no time terrorizing local residents and pets. “Their very dangerous dogs kept getting out and chasing neighbors into their homes,” OP laments, adding that her own pups suffered attacks (thankfully, they were okay).
But the neighbor’s antisocial streak doesn’t end there. When a realtor reported his illegally parked boat, he retaliated by nitpicking every minor infraction among the neighbors. As one Redditor, u/Tremenda-Carucha, perfectly put it: “That bamboo and Bluetooth setup sounds like the perfect blend of subtle sass and suburban sabotage.” The feud was on.
And then came the dachshunds. Lots of them.
Barking Mad: The Dachshund Dilemma
Dog lovers know the dachshund’s bark can rival a car alarm’s persistence. But while OP took care to train her own doxie for outdoor peace, her neighbor opted for the “let them bark it out” method. The result? “I have a 3 hour long recording of them barking continuously,” OP writes. Animal control’s response? A bureaucratic shrug: “They have shade and water.”
Suggestions flooded in from the peanut gallery. “I read not long ago about someone who recorded their neighbors dog barking all day, wore noise cancelling headphones, and aimed the recording at the neighbors bedroom,” shared u/Afraid-Yesterday-437, describing a classic escalation tactic. But OP had already tried looping dog barks back at the offenders—no dice. As u/-zekatsu observed, “dog breeders are generally also just shithead assholes exploiting animals for profit… so, that too.”
Every attempt at neighborly communication ended in a tirade from the Grinch next door. “He told us to go fuck ourselves, basically,” OP deadpans. That’s when the gears began to turn.
Bamboo, Bluetooth, and the Art of Petty Sabotage
Enter the Crape Myrtle—the old, stately tree shading OP’s pets and garden, but shedding just enough debris to drive the pool-proud neighbors batty. Removing it? Out of the question. Instead, OP planted a new Crape Myrtle, sandwiched by a line of clumping bamboo (fear not, horticulturalists: it’s the well-behaved kind, with a rhizome barrier).
But the pièce de résistance? A Bluetooth speaker, hung discreetly among the leaves, playing a “lovely ringing sound” whenever the neighbors tried to use their pool. “They haven’t been able to use their pool in 3 weeks because the ringing is so bad,” OP reports gleefully. The best part: The neighbors can’t complain to the city, since their own fence is unpermitted—one call from OP, and their pet containment scheme could come crashing down.
Redditors were in awe. “Subtle Sass and Suburban Sabotage sound like a music festival lineup…” joked u/pizzasauce85, with others chiming in: “Bamboo & Bluetooth can be the live album” (u/FurBabyAuntie), and “Severe Tire Damage is the opening act” (u/Different_One265). The thread became a riotous brainstorm of ever-more-creative tactics, from mint and dandelion seeds (OP admits to “baby mother of thousands” drifting over in the wind) to legendary tales of delayed sound playback and even the prospect of a fog machine—though, as u/TimeSky5246 cautioned, “birds tend to be even more sensitive than people.”
Lessons in Lawful Mischief (and Compassion)
You might expect such a tale to veer into full-blown neighbor warfare, but OP is quick to draw a line. “I’m not gonna torment the dog specifically. The ringing is enough to keep them away from the fence… It annoys the humans who live there more than anything and that’s the goal.” The real villains, after all, are the people choosing to leave their dogs in a paved yard for hours on end, not the animals themselves.
And as for the bamboo? Despite dire warnings from some (“bamboo is the herpes of the plant world!” cried u/iamasturdlevinson), OP insists on responsible gardening: “This is a CLUMPING bamboo. The variety I got is very easy to manage. We also put in a rhizome barrier when we planted them. It was well planned out.”
The community, meanwhile, offered both solidarity and inspiration—be it tales of mutual tree-hating neighbors, advice on code enforcement, or mischievous dreams of bee gardens and blackberry brambles. As u/Santzia1 summed up, “This is the level of strategic pettiness I aspire to.”
Conclusion: Suburbia’s Subtle Saboteur
In the grand tradition of neighborhood feuds, u/MirthlessJester’s saga stands out for its wit, restraint, and sheer tactical creativity. It’s a masterclass in driving your nemesis just mad enough—without ever breaking the rules.
What’s your best (or most devious) neighbor story? Have you ever used plants, sound, or a dash of lawful mischief to reclaim your peace? Share your tales in the comments below—because as this story proves, sometimes the best revenge really is planted, not plotted.
Original Reddit Post: Bamboo for you.