Bloody Brilliant: How One Woman’s Fake Menstrual Lunch Ended a Workplace Food Thief’s Reign
If you’ve ever worked in an office, you know the sacred ritual of storing your lunch in the communal fridge—and the heartbreak of discovering it’s vanished. There are few workplace betrayals more personal than the theft of your lovingly prepared meal. But what happens when HR won’t help, and the thief just won’t quit? Enter one of the most creative, unhinged, and deliciously petty revenge stories Reddit has ever seen.
This is the tale of u/Talabaloue, who, faced with a misogynistic lunch thief, decided to fight fridge fire with psychological fury. The method? Let’s just say it was a bloody masterpiece.
The Classic Office Villain: Lunch Thief Extraordinaire
Picture it: You’re the new person at work, trying to fit in, but someone keeps stealing your homemade lunches. The culprit, as u/Talabaloue quickly discovered, was a notorious, misogynistic jerk—so infamous that everyone knew, but management did nothing. As one commenter put it, “This is the classic story about that asshole who steals food from the work refrigerator.”
Faced with apathy from above, our protagonist decided to out-petty the pettiest. She started bringing decoy lunches to the fridge and quietly ate sandwiches at her desk, all while plotting. It’s a scenario many can relate to—just ask u/intellectual_dimwit, who shared a similar tale of a disappearing Pepsi and a revenge involving, well, some “sweaty balls.” (Don’t worry. Everyone survived.)
Bloody Brilliant Psychological Warfare
But OP’s revenge didn’t involve anything illegal, dangerous, or even real. Instead, she weaponized her reputation. After a couple of weeks, she began a campaign at work, loudly discussing her new “wellness method”: collecting and cooking with her own menstrual blood. She even showed a (fake) video of herself preparing a meal—complete with a staged pour from her menstrual cup.
This wasn’t just shock value for shock’s sake. As Redditor u/Ok_District2853 brilliantly observed, “Poisoning someone is illegal and immoral. Making them believe they're poisoned through their own crimes using the negative placebo effect… Not only perfectly legal, very moral as well.” In fact, another commenter chimed in with the perfect German phrase: “Vorspiegelung falscher Tatsachen,” or “pretence of false facts.” The community even coined new terms for this dark art: the “nocebo effect,” or as u/Boomer_Dook quipped, “gynocebo.”
The result? The thief took a week off, presumably wrestling with existential dread and a sudden urge to Google “side effects of eating menstrual blood.” As u/TartMore9420 gleefully put it, “he took a week off after that ☠️☠️☠️☠️.”
The Comment Section: Standing Ovulation and Fridge Warfare
Reddit’s reaction to this story was nothing short of ovulatory. Top comments ranged from “Diabolical, Disgusting, Possibly Deranged—I love it!” (u/Yvonne_84) to “Standing ovulation” (u/sheeprancher594) and “GAME OVARY!” (u/dedsqwirl). The creativity and commitment were widely admired: “Your creativity is amazing. Well done,” said u/Waste-Job-3307, echoed by a chorus of upvotes and digital applause.
Not everyone was convinced this was the right way, though. Some, like u/myaspirations, wondered if there were “less reputation destructive methods” to stop a lunch thief. But as OP herself replied, “Did you really care about what people thought of you during your student summer job? I did not.” Sometimes, a scorched earth (or fridge) policy is the only way.
Other commenters shared their own tales of petty food justice: Ex-Lax laced chocolate, ipecac-laced pizza, and sandwiches stuffed with raw ground beef. All, like OP’s story, ended with the thief’s reign of terror abruptly over. As u/PapayaMamma put it, “You weaponised bodily fluids, psychological trauma and Tupperware. I have never feared and admired someone so deeply in the same moment. This is fridge warfare on a biblical level.”
The Morals (and Laughs) of the Story
What makes this story so irresistible isn’t just the wild creativity—it’s the catharsis. Who among us hasn’t dreamed of serving up a heaping plate of poetic justice to a workplace villain? And as the comments section proves, sometimes the best revenge is more about mind games than actual harm.
OP assures us there was no real blood in the food (“I am well aware of the severe risks associated with getting into contact with someone else’s blood, so rest assured that it was not true”), and she clarified to colleagues later. Most importantly, no one’s lunch was ever stolen again.
So, next time you find your sandwich missing, remember: Sometimes, you’ve got to fight fire with a little (fake) blood and a lot of nerve. As u/TheAnti-Karen summed up: “It was everything I came to Reddit for.”
Do you have your own office food war story? Would you go as far as u/Talabaloue, or do you have a (slightly) less dramatic solution? Share your stories and ideas in the comments below. And remember: Mess with someone’s lunch, and you might just get a taste of your own medicine—period.
Original Reddit Post: You want to steal my lunch ? Eat my period