Catch If You Can: The Soggy Saga of Maliciously Complying with a Cigarette Moocher
There’s nothing like a rainy day in Southeast Texas to bring out the most colorful characters—and the most creative acts of petty revenge. Today’s tale, straight from the wilds of Reddit’s r/MaliciousCompliance, is a masterclass in literal interpretations, quick thinking, and the small victories that make everyday life a little more entertaining.
Picture this: It’s a drizzly afternoon, the air thick with humidity and mischief. Our protagonist, u/BigTex380, just wants to grab a fresh pack of cigarettes and head home. But little does he know, a soggy showdown is about to unfold on the wet sidewalk outside his local Circle-A.
Cigarettes, Rain, and the Art of the Mooch
Anyone who’s ever smoked—especially back in the golden days of cheap packs and fewer regulations—knows the universal language of the cigarette mooch. There’s always that one guy loitering outside the corner store, waiting to pounce the second you crack open a fresh pack. Sometimes it’s a polite request. Sometimes, as in this story, it’s a bit more… presumptive.
“Hey bro, let me catch one of them Rettes!” the stranger says, stepping right into BigTex380’s path. Now, if you’re fluent in Texan, you know “Rettes” means “cigarettes.” And if you’re fluent in social cues, you know this is the kind of request that tests the limits of generosity—especially in the rain.
But instead of grumbling or reluctantly parting with a precious smoke, our hero decides to take the stranger’s words at face value. After all, he DID say “catch”… and who’s to argue with semantics?
Malicious Compliance, Texas-Style
So, what’s a law-abiding, phrase-respecting citizen to do? Why, comply, of course. But do it with a twist.
“Whoa dude, how are you going to catch it from so close? Take a step back,” BigTex380 says, channeling his inner baseball coach. As the moocher—let’s call him “Cigarette Carl”—takes a step back, confusion clouds his face. Should he be gearing up for a fastball or a friendly handoff?
And then, it happens. Flick! A cigarette sails through the rainy air, bounces off Carl’s chest, and lands with a satisfying splash in a puddle. Soggy. Unsmokeable. Priceless.
But why stop at one? “Keep your eyes on the ball, bro!” BigTex380 shouts, sending another darting through the drizzle. Splash. Missed again.
Three times is the charm, or in this case, the breaking point. “Dude, get it together! You ain’t catching nothing.” Another flick, another splash, another ruined smoke. Carl, defeated and drenched, retreats into the rainy distance, empty-handed and (hopefully) a little wiser about literal requests.
The Sweet Taste of Victory (and a Dry Cigarette)
Our hero, having delivered a masterclass in malicious compliance, rewards himself with a victory cigarette—dry, intact, and earned.
The beauty of this story isn’t just in the comedy of errors, but in the universal appeal of standing up to petty annoyances with cleverness and humor. Who among us hasn’t wanted to find a way to give a freeloader exactly what they asked for, but not quite what they wanted?
This isn’t just a tale about cigarettes and rain; it’s about boundaries, wordplay, and the small-but-mighty power of not letting yourself get steamrolled—even in the face of a moocher who thinks he’s entitled to your hard-earned (and now thoroughly waterlogged) smokes.
Lessons in Literalism and Life
There’s a deeper lesson here, too. Sometimes, compliance isn’t about blind obedience—it’s about finding the loophole, the technicality, the playful interpretation that lets you walk away with your dignity (and, ideally, your cigarettes) intact.
And, let’s be honest, there’s something undeniably satisfying about seeing someone who tries to take advantage of a stranger get outwitted by nothing more than a quick flick and a well-timed splash.
Your Turn: What’s Your Favorite Malicious Compliance?
Have you ever given someone exactly what they asked for—with a twist? Did you have your own “soggy cigarette” moment? Share your stories in the comments below! And if you enjoyed this tale of wet weather, wordplay, and wily wisdom, don’t forget to share it with your favorite mischief-maker.
After all, sometimes the best way to deal with a moocher is to make sure they have to catch what they ask for—rain or shine.
Inspired by: Soggy Cigarettes on r/MaliciousCompliance
Original Reddit Post: Soggy Cigarettes