Divine Retribution: How One Redditor Signed Up Their Ex for an Eternity of Missionary Visits
There’s an art to petty revenge—a subtle finesse that lies somewhere between harmless mischief and poetic justice. On the grand stage of Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge, few stories strike the perfect balance quite like a recent gem from u/mariposayrosa, who found the ultimate way to keep their ex on his toes (and perhaps on his knees, if missionaries get their way). Their weapon of choice? The relentless, record-keeping engine of the Mormon Church.
You see, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned—especially one with a working knowledge of Latter-Day Saint data retention policies.
From Heartbreak to Heavenly Hilarity
Let’s set the stage: our protagonist, fresh from a less-than-amicable breakup, decided against the usual revenge tropes. No messy Facebook exposés, no keying of cars. Instead, she wielded the power of the internet—and the enduring enthusiasm of Mormon missionaries. She simply signed her ex up on the church’s website, providing his name, email, phone number, and address, ensuring that spiritually-inclined strangers would pursue his soul (and his patience) for eternity.
Why the Mormon Church, you might ask? Well, as u/mariposayrosa points out, their record-keeping is the stuff of legend. Once you’ve shown a glimmer of interest—or, in this case, had someone else do it for you—you’re on their radar for life. Periodically, you’ll receive polite but persistent calls, emails, and maybe even a knock at your door, each one a gentle reminder from the universe (and Salt Lake City) that someone, somewhere, is praying for your conversion.
Petty, Playful, and (Mostly) Harmless
Is it petty? Absolutely. Is it effective? Undeniably. This is the kind of ingenious mischief that has the internet collectively slow-clapping in admiration. It’s also a masterclass in knowing your target. The ex in question, apparently, despises talking to strangers and has little patience for unsolicited spiritual conversations. For him, each ring of the doorbell now carries the possibility of awkward small talk about the Book of Mormon and eternal families.
There’s also an undeniable brilliance in the longevity of this prank. Missionaries are famously persistent, and the Church’s database is, as many ex-Mormons will attest, almost impossible to escape. While most pranks fade with time, this one could follow its unwitting victim for years—perhaps decades—unless he submits to a formal removal process (which, rumor has it, is a bureaucratic odyssey unto itself).
The Psychology of Petty Revenge
Why does this story resonate with so many? Because, let’s be honest, we all fantasize about harmless ways to get back at someone who’s wronged us. Petty revenge isn’t about causing real harm; it’s about reclaiming a little bit of control, finding closure, or just having the last laugh. In this case, it’s a victimless crime—unless you count the missionaries, who are just doing their jobs (and racking up another “potential convert” for their weekly reports).
There’s also something universally satisfying about using an institution’s own zeal for outreach as the engine of your mischief. It’s creative, it’s safe, and—perhaps best of all—it’s entirely legal. The only real “crime” here is a little extra paperwork for someone’s ecclesiastical records.
Moral of the Story? Choose Your Revenge Wisely
Not every breakup calls for scorched earth tactics. Sometimes, a dash of divine intervention (with a wink and a nudge) is all you need to feel healed. As u/mariposayrosa put it, “I would feel bad if I wasn’t so giddy at how dumb this is, but that’s what he gets for treating me like he did.” There’s catharsis in knowing you’ve managed to make a point, even if it’s delivered via a clipboard and a smile.
So next time someone does you dirty, remember: you don’t have to go nuclear. Sometimes, the best revenge is eternal—delivered in sensible shoes, with a pamphlet in hand.
Have You Ever Pulled Off Petty Revenge?
What’s your favorite harmless comeback or clever bit of mischief? Share your own stories in the comments! And if you’re reading this and you’ve ever gotten a surprise visit from a missionary, well… now you know who to blame.
Ready to confess your own petty victories? Drop a comment below or hit share to spread the gospel of good-natured revenge!
Original Reddit Post: Signing People Up To Talk To Missionaries