Flat Earth Kevin Strikes Again: How One Employee’s Oblivion Wrecked the Work Schedule (and My Weekend)
There are Kevins, and then there are Flat Earth Kevins. If you’ve ever worked with someone who seems to exist in a parallel universe where basic workplace expectations are optional, you’ll know the type. One minute you’re planning your weekend with the confidence of a seasoned scheduler—the next, you’re blindsided by the world’s least surprising surprise: Kevin forgot to tell you he’ll be gone for months. Again.
Let’s set the scene. Monday morning. Coffee in hand. Your mind drifts to the weekend ahead, maybe a family cookout or a long-overdue movie night. Suddenly, Kevin, the human embodiment of a ‘404 Not Found’ error, lumbers in and casually drops the bombshell: “Oh, by the way, I’ll be out for surgery for a few months. Starting Friday.”
Deja Kevin All Over Again
For those new to the lore of Kevin from r/StoriesAboutKevin, here’s a quick refresher: “Kevin” is Reddit shorthand for someone whose grasp of common sense is, let’s say, tenuous at best. Our protagonist, user u/cwu007, has chronicled Kevin’s antics before. Last time, Kevin failed to grasp that notifying management about a long-term absence wasn’t just a “nice to have”—it was, you know, the bare minimum.
So, after a stern talking-to and a gentle (read: exasperated) explanation, you’d think the lesson would stick. Not with Kevin. Like a cosmic force of workplace entropy, he’s back with the same act, only this time it’s even more impressive: he knew about the surgery months in advance and still only mentioned it a few days before leaving. Cue the collective dropping of jaws.
The Domino Effect of Kevin-Logic
You don’t have to be a scheduling genius to predict what happens next. With Kevin’s Friday-to-Monday shifts suddenly vanishing into the ether, management is left scrambling to fill the gaps. The poster’s own plans—painstakingly arranged family time—are instantly torpedoed. The only thing more consistent than Kevin’s oblivion is the havoc it wreaks on everyone else.
Let’s be clear: emergencies happen. If Kevin had been in a car accident or struck by sudden illness, nobody would bat an eye at the last-minute notice. But months? That’s a whole different flavor of “oops.” It’s like forgetting your own birthday until the cake arrives.
Why Do Kevins Walk Among Us?
The million-dollar question: How do Kevins keep their jobs? In this case, the supervisor’s manager shrugs: “I don’t think Kevin comprehends.” Maybe it’s genuine confusion. Maybe it’s learned helplessness. Maybe Kevin’s just too zoned out watching Flat Earth documentaries to read the employee handbook. Whatever the case, there’s no discipline—just a resigned acceptance that Kevin will Kevin, and the rest of us must pick up the slack.
It’s funny in a teeth-grinding way, but it also highlights a real workplace issue: if accountability never lands, neither does improvement. When “I didn’t know” is always an acceptable excuse, the rest of the team absorbs the fallout—missed plans, last-minute stress, and a creeping sense that maybe you’re the one in the wrong universe.
The Kevin Survival Guide
If you recognize a Kevin in your own office, here’s a survival tip: document everything. Gently remind. Set calendar invites. Maybe even tattoo the PTO policy on their arm (with consent, of course). And most importantly, keep your weekend plans as flexible as your patience.
Or, as u/cwu007 shows us, embrace the chaos, vent online, and let the internet commiserate. There’s catharsis in knowing you’re not alone in the land of workplace Kevins.
Share Your Kevin Stories!
Have you clashed with a Kevin? Did your coworker once forget to tell anyone they were moving to another continent? Rant away in the comments below, and let’s swap tales of office absurdity. Remember: if you can’t laugh, you’ll cry… and with Kevins around, you might as well do both.
Found this story hilarious or painfully relatable? Share your own “Kevin” moments below! And don’t forget to check out the original post here.
Original Reddit Post: Oops Kevin Did It Again