Four Years With a Kevin: Lessons From the World’s Most Oblivious Ex
When you’re young, love can make you overlook some pretty glaring red flags. But what happens when those flags aren’t just red—they’re waving in your face, screaming, and occasionally throwing a tantrum over lost collectible toys? Welcome to the saga of dating a Kevin, as shared by u/AsleepProfession1395 on Reddit’s r/StoriesAboutKevin—a tale brimming with bewildering decisions, cringe-worthy moments, and the kind of life lessons you hope to only learn once.
If you’ve ever wondered how someone could date a person who refuses to work, believes $60 and a dream is all it takes to start a business, and throws fits when a friend sells a toy he wanted—well, buckle up. This is the cautionary (and wildly entertaining) tale for you.
The “Entrepreneurial” Spirit (Or: How Not to Start a Business)
Kevin, the titular anti-hero, was five years older than the OP when they started dating. He was a man of big dreams and absolutely zero follow-through. His grand plan? To open a bicycle shop with his best friend, Steve. The catch? Neither had any money, nor the faintest idea how business works.
When reality came knocking (in the form of OP, gently reminding him that things like “capital” and “registration fees” exist), Kevin and Steve decided their dreams could be achieved by... joining an MLM. Yes, for the low, low price of $60 each, they bought into a “business opportunity” that started with water dispensers and promised bigger things (like, maybe, actual bicycles) later. OP’s skepticism proved correct. As she recalls, “After the meeting I told them it was an MLM. They finally realize they wasted $60.”
The Reddit crowd was quick to celebrate her wisdom. “Congraz for managing to break up with him!” cheered u/Kratzschutz, echoing the collective sigh of relief we all felt. Others, like u/RedDazzlr, were just glad she escaped. The lesson here? If your business plan involves “small steps” that start with selling water filters and end with disappointment, maybe it’s time to read a book on entrepreneurship.
Collectibles, Careers, and Kevin’s Mall Meltdowns
While most adults spend their time working, Kevin and Steve spent their days haunting the local mall’s collectible stores. Their friend Frank, an actual business owner, had a strict “first come, first served” policy—one that sent Kevin into a full-on tantrum when a coveted figurine got sold to someone else. “He literally acted like a child,” OP recalls, painting a picture many commenters found all too familiar.
The mall was also home to Jase, a younger, ambitious collector who opened his own store. When Jase learned that Kevin and Steve didn’t work, he offered some gentle, well-meaning advice: maybe it’s time to get a job. Kevin’s mature response? Mocking Jase’s baldness behind his back. As OP reported, “That was the only retort Kevin could think of.”
Redditors had thoughts. “17... 5 years older... Um…” pointed out u/SeaDoor2666, highlighting not just the age gap but the maturity chasm. OP later clarified that, while she was legally of age, she wouldn’t condone it for her own kids—an honest reflection on how naivety sometimes works hand-in-hand with poor judgment.
Dodging Bills and Borrowed Boots: Kevin’s Creative Finances
Kevin’s aversion to adulting didn’t stop at business or employment—he also treated basic responsibilities like optional side quests. From dodging hospital bills (“the government should be helping its people!”) to using OP’s phone number for medical follow-ups (without telling her), Kevin’s money management style was equal parts inventive and infuriating.
His most audacious move? Spending military reserve wages he wasn’t entitled to, then pleading for a bailout from OP (who wisely refused) and, eventually, his mom (who scolded him). As OP put it, “I just know he’d make me his ATM if I stayed with him.” Redditor u/Over-Singer2930 chimed in with a philosophical twist: “If you are with someone who isn’t worthy you won’t excel because if you do they do too.” It’s the kind of wisdom that makes you reconsider who you let ride shotgun in your life journey.
Lessons Learned (and Blessings Unblocked)
After four long years, OP finally broke free from Kevin’s gravitational pull—and, almost immediately, her fortunes changed. She landed her first permanent job, a twist of fate that didn’t go unnoticed by Redditors. “I’m a firm believer that you can block your blessings,” said u/Over-Singer2930. It’s a sentiment that resonated with many: sometimes, letting go of the wrong person is the first step to attracting the right opportunities.
As for the relationship itself? When asked if there were any redeeming moments, OP’s answer was hilariously blunt: “Ew no. I only tolerated it.” That’s four years of lessons, paid for in patience and $60 MLM starter kits.
The Kevin Test: Would You Pass?
So, what’s the moral of this wild ride? Maybe it’s this: If your significant other thinks business success is as easy as joining an MLM, spends more time sulking over toys than working, and uses your phone number to dodge hospital bills, it might be time to reassess.
As u/rttr123 asked, “How did you date this person for 4 years?” OP chalks it up to naivety and the gradual escalation of “tiny laughable things” into full-fledged disasters. But, as the saying goes, better late than never.
Have you ever dated a Kevin—or, heaven forbid, been one? Or perhaps you’ve got your own “blessings unblocked” moment to share. Drop your stories in the comments below. And remember: life’s too short to be anyone’s ATM (or MLM downline).
What would you have done in OP’s shoes? Have you ever escaped a “Kevin” of your own? Let’s hear your wildest dating (or business) stories below!
Original Reddit Post: Dated a Kevin