How To Silently Win the War Against Noisy Neighbors (Without Leaving Your Apartment)
If you’ve ever lived in an apartment, you know there are two types of neighbors: the ones you barely notice, and the ones you’ll never forget—no matter how hard you try (or how many pillows you stack over your ears). But what happens when your neighbor’s late-night “activities” start to sound less like romance and more like a buffalo being electrocuted at 3am? One Redditor, u/Temporary_Resort_579, found out—and responded with a petty, perfectly orchestrated symphony of revenge that struck a chord with thousands online.
Let’s dive into this tale of how one migraine, the right album, and a dash of petty creativity can restore peace in your own home—and inspire an entire community to share their own hilarious tactics.
The Night the Buffalo Roamed
Our story opens, as many urban legends do, with an innocent attempt at a quiet night in. The OP (original poster), a reasonable soul who rarely complains about noise, found themselves at the mercy of their downstairs neighbor’s amorous escapades. As OP colorfully put it, the neighbor’s friend-with-benefits sounded “like a buffalo being electrocuted.” The walls trembled, doors slammed, glassware clattered into bins, and the passionate cacophony raged on—until nearly sunrise.
This wasn’t just your average “oops, thin walls” situation. OP was battling a migraine, desperate for rest, when the lovebirds below seemed determined to set new records for endurance and decibel levels. “Ordinarily, I don't care about other people's noise as long as it's not excessive and keeps within reasonable hours,” OP explained. But everyone has their breaking point.
Revenge Served Loud (With a Side of Igorrr)
Migraine vanquished but patience worn thin, OP seized the early morning window when all other neighbors had left for work. It was time for a little sonic payback. Enter: “Spirituality and Distortion” by Igorrr—an album described by commenters as “a wild genius’s sonic retaliation” and “about as far from run-of-the-mill tunes as you can get.” For those unfamiliar, imagine a musical blender set to “pure chaos.”
OP cranked the volume, ensuring the hungover lovers below received every note in glorious, headache-inducing detail. Then came the pièce de résistance: a flurry of every loud chore that had been put off in recent days. The result? As OP triumphantly reported, “They never did it again :)”
While some might call this petty, others hailed it as an act of public service. As u/TealTemptress joked, “Your form is good, but your stamina needs a lot of work... 7.2,” imagining Olympic-style scorecards for the amorous athletes. Another commenter, u/CraZ-Qat-LaD, thanked OP for the music tip, plotting their own counterattack against nocturnal pool parties.
When the Walls Are Thin, Neighbors Get Creative
The post quickly became a confessional booth for the apartment-dwelling masses. Turns out, there’s an entire underground playbook of ways to handle “enthusiastic” neighbors:
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The Mimic: u/GreedyTopPig recalled loudly imitating a neighbor’s over-the-top moans mid-session. “It got real quiet fast,” they reported. A classic case of fighting fire with fire (or moans with moans).
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The Playback: Several users suggested recording the offending noises and blasting them back the next day—a move that’s equal parts genius and deeply unsettling. As u/SnooCauliflowers9874 put it, “Perhaps OP’s neighbor would’ve recognized her own buffalo screeches.”
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The Sarcasm Squad: Some neighbors opted for real-time commentary. u/TealTemptress would yell, “Is it in? I can’t see it. Wrong hole, bud!” from her window, while her boyfriend struggled to keep his coffee down from laughter. Another used humor as a weapon, shouting, “Finish her already!” across the courtyard.
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The Musical Arsenal: From blasting Slipknot to System of a Down, or even the infamous “CBAT” by Hudson Mohawke, neighbors have weaponized music of all genres to send a not-so-subtle message. Bonus points for thematic choices: “Je t’aime” by Serge Gainsbourg, or “Uh All Night” by KISS.
Then there’s the nuclear option: u/IslandLine played loud Buddhist prayers to quell arguing neighbors, resulting in not just quiet, but a sudden spike in neighborly politeness.
Lessons Learned: The Art of Petty (But Effective) Revenge
What can we learn from this symphony of shared suffering and creativity? First, you’re not alone. Apartment living is a universal test of patience, humor, and ingenuity. Second, a little pettiness, when wielded with flair and timing, can be the most effective peacekeeping tool.
The Reddit community’s solidarity was palpable—whether they’d tried similar tactics or simply appreciated the poetic justice. As u/avaling89 summarized, “Petty? Perhaps. Successful? Of course.” Others pointed out that sometimes, a direct conversation does the trick, while OP clarified in the comments that they’d already had “polite words” with the noisy neighbor before resorting to Igorrr.
And let’s not forget the power of embarrassment. As u/GreedyTopPig and others noted, nothing ends a thunderous marathon faster than knowing the neighbors are not just awake, but actively critiquing your performance.
Share Your Own Symphony
So, next time you’re jolted awake by an unintentional serenade from below, take heart—and perhaps take notes. Whether you choose musical mayhem, witty banter, or Olympic-style scorecards, remember: Apartment living is a team sport, and sometimes, a touch of petty revenge is just what the (sleep-deprived) doctor ordered.
What’s your go-to move for dealing with noisy neighbors? Ever had a revenge plan that backfired—or worked spectacularly? Drop your tales (and playlist recommendations) in the comments below!
Sleep tight, and may your nights be buffalo-free.
Original Reddit Post: How I stopped my neighbour from having loud sex until 4am