Kevina and the Case of the Missing Defibrillator: A Plasma Center Caper
Some stories are so mind-boggling, so jaw-droppingly ill-advised, that you can’t help but share them with the world. This is the tale of Kevina, an enterprising (read: reckless) plasma donor whose attempt at a quick payday put an entire plasma donation center at risk—and delivered Reddit some absolute comedy gold.
Let’s set the scene: a bustling plasma center, staff weary but determined, and a cast of donors from all walks of life. Enter Kevina, who, after being told she’d been deferred from donating for a month, decided she’d rather steal than wait. But what did she choose to swipe? Not a phone, not a bottle, not even a walkie-talkie, but the single, most vital piece of lifesaving equipment in the building: the Automated External Defibrillator (AED).
You can’t make this stuff up.
Kevina’s Not-So-Great Plasma Heist
According to u/Amazing_Excuse_3860, the original poster (OP), plasma centers are often no stranger to drama—but this took the cake (and the defibrillator). After being indefinitely deferred for a repeat issue, Kevina slipped down a hallway, grabbed the AED (the device you use to shock someone’s heart back into rhythm), and strolled out the back door.
Pause for effect. If you’re wondering what an AED is, you’re not alone—multiple Redditors chimed in to clarify. As u/NNNEEEERRRRDD explained: “Automated external defibrillator. The thing used to shock people whose hearts are beating irregularly (fibrillation).” These devices are required by law in donation centers because, as rare as it is, plasma donation can trigger heart emergencies. As u/the_blocker1418 pointed out, “You can take a class to learn basic life support and they will cover how to use one.” In other words: it’s not just a fancy prop.
The real kicker? Security footage had Kevina’s face, name, social, biometric data, and address on file. She was caught on camera heading straight for the pawn shop—conveniently located across the street. As u/Metamorphosis1705 quipped, “Sounds like Kevina’s plasma must have high meth levels.” To which u/robsterva added, “Or her meth has low plasma levels.” The snark was strong with this one.
When Desperation Meets Darwin Awards
The attempted pawn shop sale went about as well as you’d expect. The shop, familiar with the concept that normal folks don’t tote around mint-condition AEDs, immediately called the police and alerted the plasma center. As u/iavatus2 summarized the logic: “Is shiny. Shiny goes in pocket. Shiny, can be exchanged for crack.” Sometimes, internet poetry just writes itself.
But beneath the humor was real danger. The staff spent two anxious days without an AED, hoping no one had a medical emergency in the interim. “It took about 2 days for my center to replace the AED,” OP recalled. “2 agonizing days of all of us staff wondering... if this would finally be the day somebody actually had a heart attack, and we would be helpless to do anything except CPR and call an ambulance.”
Several commenters questioned the legality of operating without an AED. As u/Son_of_Leatherneck put it, “If the device is required by law, they should have remained closed until they had procured a new unit.” Others, like u/Suppafly, called it “how you know OP’s employer was a shady business, if you couldn’t already figure it out from them being a plasma place.” OP later clarified they weren’t sure of the exact legalities, but the replacement was fast-tracked—likely because everyone understood the stakes.
Plasma Centers: Desperation or Doing Good?
Kevina’s escapade put a spotlight on the world of plasma donation—one that’s often misunderstood. Some commenters wrestled with the stigma that most plasma donors are “poor and desperate.” u/crgmomof3 objected, “I donate on a regular basis. At first it was to save up for a trip, then it was to save up for a vacation, then once my transmission died it was to pay that off. I go twice a week, and meet lovely people there.” Others, like u/MrHandsomeBoss, shared using plasma money for wedding expenses—hardly a tale of desperation.
Still, the reality is nuanced. As OP noted, every time they post about work, “everyone gets on my case about every donor being a desperate homeless addict with mental illnesses. Despite the fact that 95% of the donors I interact with seeming normal.” The community set the record straight: yes, some donors are struggling, but many simply want to help and earn a little extra. As u/Sarcasticbeach_girl, a former plasma center nurse, put it: “The industry itself isn’t shady. Just some of the donors. Signed; a former plasma center nurse!”
One thing is clear—no matter the motivation, plasma donations save lives. As u/Sarcasticbeach_girl movingly shared, “My child is alive today because of plasma donors.” Others echoed that sentiment, noting how plasma-derived medicines are essential for many with chronic conditions.
Lessons from a Notorious Heist
What can we learn from Kevina’s ill-fated adventure? For one, if you’re going to commit a crime, don’t steal the single item everyone will notice is missing—and definitely don’t take it to the pawn shop across the street. More seriously, the incident shone a light on the delicate balance plasma centers must maintain between accessibility, safety, and ethics.
It also highlighted the heroics (and headaches) of the staff, who kept their cool and their humor in the face of absurdity. And it proved, once again, that the internet is undefeated when it comes to snappy commentary and community wisdom.
Have you ever witnessed a workplace caper or experienced the wild world of plasma donation? Share your stories below—just try not to incriminate yourself!
Original Reddit Post: Kevina steals the one thing that everyone will notice is missing