Lipstick, Duck Tape, and Petty Revenge: When Pub Parking Goes Too Far
Picture this: It’s a lively Monday evening in Oxfordshire, England, the kind where pub windows rattle from the bass of a local band and every parking spot for a quarter mile is claimed like gold. You’re excited to enjoy some music, but what’s this? A stranger’s car has boldly leapfrogged the curb and landed squarely on your lovingly manicured lawn—wedged between your flowerpots, no less. What would you do?
For one Redditor, u/YupItWasMeMate, the answer was simple, delightfully British, and oh-so-petty: Lipstick, duck tape, and a message they wouldn’t soon forget.
The Pub, the Lawn, and the Rogue Parker
Let’s set the scene. Our protagonist lives opposite a pub famous for its Monday night live music. As any pub-adjacent resident can attest, parking becomes an Olympic sport on gig nights. But this time, the competition escalated: someone parked not just on the street, but smack in the middle of OP’s (“original poster’s”) garden.
After a fruitless attempt to find the culprit inside (with one shifty-eyed musician looking suspicious but remaining silent), OP went full petty Picasso. Armed with a cheap, bright red, extra-stay lipstick, a fistful of post-its, and “duck tape” (more on that avian controversy soon), they set to work. Every window of the offending car—yes, even the tiny back ones—was emblazoned with “DO NOT PARK HERE” in lipstick. “NO PARKING” post-its were then plastered to the windscreen and rear with a ludicrous amount of duck tape. Imagine the adhesive residue. Imagine the drive of shame.
The next morning, the car was gone. The grass was safe. A wooden post now blocks the rogue parker’s path. Victory, thy name is pettiness.
Duck Tape vs. Duct Tape: The Sticky Debate That Stole the Show
You’d think the star of this story would be the lipstick revenge, or maybe the audacity of the pub parker. But no—the real firestorm in the Reddit comments was about “duck tape.” Brits and Americans clashed like rival football clubs over whether it’s “duck” or “duct,” with OP valiantly defending the UK’s feathered phrasing.
As u/YupItWasMeMate explained (and Wikipedia confirms), “duck tape” predates “duct tape” by decades. The Oxford English Dictionary traces “duck tape” back to 1899. The modern brand “Duck Tape” only appeared in the 1980s, but the term was already well-established—much to the confusion and delight of international readers. OP even included a British duck comedy sketch for good measure, quipping: “Who knows why [the name changed]—maybe they hated ducks.”
The Community’s Petty Arsenal: Vaseline, Confetti, and... Fish?
Of course, Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge crowd couldn’t resist sharing their own imaginative (and sometimes alarming) ideas for dealing with rogue parkers. The consensus? The lipstick and tape combo was inspired—but if you want to crank it up a notch, the possibilities are endless.
- Vaseline on the windows and door handles was a top pick. As u/Jeranimalltoo pointed out, it’s a “real pain” to clean. OP’s method, though, was more public and less permanent—just the right amount of petty.
- A more diabolical suggestion: pouring something foul-smelling down the windshield air vents. u/Thirty_Helens_Agree relayed that even the Car Talk guys wouldn’t officially recommend “puréed fish” for fear of eternal stench. Others mused about freeze-dried shrimp powder (“Try not to imagine what it'll smell like when the shrimp powder rehydrates itself,” advised u/iaincaradoc).
- Some reminisced about high school pranks: Vaseline, saran wrap, and even rubber cemented “You are illegally parked” notes, as u/Leezerb recalled.
- For those who desire a touch of whimsy, u/CheckIntelligent7828 suggested confetti and glitter in the car’s air vents—“the herpes of party favors,” as one commenter dubbed it. You’d find sparkles for years.
Yet, as many commenters noted, UK law has its quirks. Towing isn’t easily available for private property, so these creative (if slightly unhinged) ideas are often the only recourse. As OP [u/YupItWasMeMate] clarified, “You can’t just ‘call a tow truck’ here. I truly wish you could!” Others chimed in to explain that British property owners are liable for any damage done during towing, unlike the US.
The Morality (and Joy) of Petty Revenge
While some weighed in with alternative tactics, most cheered OP’s approach. As u/sqdpt put it: “I don't know why most of the comments are telling you what you should have done differently. I think what you did was brilliant. Well done!”
Others shared their own stories of subtle (and not-so-subtle) justice: removing windshield wipers, sticking super-glued signs, or even (in the case of u/GeologistSweet9645) leaving tiny red “dick” stickers on repeat offenders’ taillights for a long-game giggle.
In the end, there’s a special satisfaction in serving up a revenge that’s petty, creative, and—most importantly—harmless. As u/CatlessBoyMom quipped, “Ever stay lipstick, the perfect way to say ‘kiss off.’”
Conclusion: Your Turn—What’s Your Petty Move?
So next time someone turns your garden into a car park, remember: you can’t always tow, but you can leave a message that sticks, in dazzling red lipstick, for all the world (and the pub window) to see.
What’s your favourite harmless petty revenge? Share your stories in the comments below—bonus points if they involve lipstick, ducks, or a creative use of glitter.
And remember: when life gives you inconsiderate parkers, break out the duck tape and have a little fun.
Original Reddit Post: Park on my lawn? Enjoy cleaning your car windows for the next week or two…