“Ma’am, I Don’t Even Know Who You Are”: Why Tech Support Isn’t Actually Hogwarts
Raise your hand if you’ve ever called tech support and secretly wished the person on the other end could divine your problem before you even finished saying “hello.” Now, imagine being the agent expected to do just that—all while being yelled at for your apparent lack of psychic prowess. Welcome to the wild, weird, and sometimes wacky world of internal tech support, where “reading minds” seems to be somewhere in the job description.
Today’s story comes straight from the digital trenches of r/TalesFromTechSupport, where one agent’s brush with an irate employee left them questioning both their career choices and their lack of a crystal ball. Spoiler alert: tech support is staffed by humans, not Hogwarts alumni.
The Mind-Reading Myth of Tech Support
Let’s set the scene (and grab some popcorn): You’re a tech support agent for a large company. Unlike customer-facing roles, your callers are supposed to be tech-savvy colleagues, not the “did you try turning it off and on again?” crowd. But as our narrator u/Passionateone96 quickly discovers, expectations and reality rarely align—especially when Suzan enters the chat.
Suzan, our not-so-friendly protagonist, is already fired up before the call even connects. She’s been bounced around between contractor teams and, in a fit of classic phone rage, is ready to unleash a monologue that would make Shakespeare weep. Our agent barely manages a “Hello, this is tech support—can I get your ID number?” before Suzan is off to the races.
Here’s where the fun begins: Suzan expects our agent to know everything—her issue, her mood, her Starbucks order, maybe even her zodiac sign—all before she’s provided a single shred of identifying information. When politely (and repeatedly) asked for her ID number, Suzan retorts, “She doesn’t even know what’s going on!” The irony? She’s right. How can you help someone if you don’t even know who they are?
Transferring the Pain: The Call Queue Conundrum
One of the sneaky details in this tale is the company’s use of contractor teams for “simple” issues. The logic is sound: offload the easy stuff, so your trained techs can tackle the real head-scratchers. But human nature (and impatience) throws a wrench in the works. When the call queue gets long, employees start “line hopping,” hoping to game the system and get to the front faster. This leads to more transfers, more confusion, and—inevitably—more Suzans.
By the time Suzan lands in our agent’s lap, she’s a ticking time bomb of frustration. The transferred ticket is vague, her explanation is mostly expletives, and it’s clear she expects our agent to “just fix it”—whatever “it” is.
The Tech Support Tightrope: Patience vs. Psychic Powers
Let’s take a second to appreciate our agent’s Herculean patience. Three times they ask for Suzan’s ID; three times they’re met with resistance. Only after five excruciating minutes does Suzan finally cough up her credentials. And even then, the actual issue is still a mystery, buried beneath a torrent of insults and indignation.
What’s the lesson here? As much as we’d love to believe tech support is staffed by mind readers, they’re just regular folks armed with scripts, troubleshooting guides, and (hopefully) a strong cup of coffee. They need information—your name, your ID, your device’s serial number—before they can work their magic. Without it, they’re shooting in the dark while dodging your verbal tomatoes.
Aftermath: Reporting the Unreportable
So, how does our story end? With Suzan hanging up in a huff, leaving our agent to ponder the existential dread of tech support life. Fortunately, the agent did the right thing: reporting the call, ensuring their supervisor handles it, and sharing the tale for the rest of us to enjoy (and maybe learn from).
Takeaways and Tips for Your Next Support Call
- Be patient: The person on the other end is there to help, not to frustrate you further.
- Provide info quickly: Names, IDs, and a brief description of the problem go a long way.
- Remember, they’re human: No magic wands, no crystal balls—just empathy and expertise.
Final Thoughts: Tech Support Isn’t Telepathy
Next time you dial tech support, remember: the agent doesn’t know who you are, what you need, or how you take your coffee (unless you tell them). Let’s leave the mind reading to magicians and give our tech teams the info—and respect—they deserve.
Have a tech support horror story (or miracle) to share? Drop it in the comments below! And if you’re a long-suffering agent yourself, let us know your tips for surviving the Suzans of the world.
Original Reddit Post: Apparently being a mind reader is requirement of tech support