Ma’ams, Sirs, and “Dear Dumbass”: The Front Desk Chronicles of Honorific Mayhem
There’s a special kind of suspense that comes with answering the front desk phone at a hotel. Will you address the caller as “sir” or “ma’am?” Will you accidentally call someone’s grandma a “restroom attorney?” Will today be the day someone writes a letter to corporate because you dared to call them “Miss” instead of “Ms?” Buckle up, because you’re about to enter the wild, wacky, and occasionally perilous world of hospitality honorifics—where one innocent pronoun can turn a five-star review into a one-star squabble.
The Pronoun Minefield: Choose Your Fighter
Imagine you’re working the front desk. You answer the phone and, relying on vocal cues, say, “How can I help you, ma’am?” Next thing you know, you’re talking to a gruff-voiced gentleman who bursts out laughing. Whew, close call! But on another fateful day, you call a woman “sir”—and this time, she’s not laughing. She’s demanding your head on a platter (or at least, your job).
This is the reality u/FCCSWF, our Reddit storyteller, shared: “I made it a point not to use sir or ma'am or Mr. or Mrs. or Miss on the phone. I do believe most misidentifying is done innocently, who need any confrontations?” Honestly, who among us hasn’t been tripped up by the audio-only gender guessing game?
And it’s not just in hotels. As u/PleasantTangerine777 recalled, “One time I asked a lady ‘where are your parents?’ and she was like ‘I’m 30.’ LMAO.” Apparently, sounding young is a curse that follows you well into adulthood—just ask u/TheNiteOwl38, who’s had to vouch for their 30-year-old sister’s adulthood more times than they’d like to admit.
Honorifics: To Use or Not to Use?
Given the risks, many hospitality workers have gone completely honorific-free. As u/anonymouslosername wisely put it: “I worked in a call center as well, and specifically avoided ‘sir’ or ‘ma'am’ to avoid any chance of mistakes.” Others, like u/Suitable_Ad4569, who identifies as nonbinary, keep things strictly neutral: “No sir, no madam, all they. I’ll not use titles ever, management can eat one for it if it’s a problem.”
But this raises a philosophical question: Why are the polite ways to address someone so complicated, while the rude ones are gloriously simple? As u/Playful-Park4095 hilariously observed: “Why are honorifics gender specific while the vast majority of ‘anti-honorifics’ are gender neutral? ‘Dear Dumbass’ assumes nothing about the gender identity of the recipient, after all. :D” (u/Zovort agreed: “We should make that the new Mr/Ms. Everyone is just dumbass.”)
If only we could start every shift with, “Hello, earthling, what can Best Place to Stay do for you today?” as u/MerryTWatching suggested. At least that would be inclusive—and probably get you some memorable TripAdvisor reviews.
Restroom Lawyering and the Battle of the Bathroom
Of course, pronouns aren’t the only hill guests are willing to die on. u/FCCSWF recounts a grandma who, after a nine-hour drive from the Poconos, decided the biggest threat to her vacation was the lobby’s singular bathroom. “All of a sudden she was a rest room attorney? Trying to quote zoning laws and ADA and equality laws?” The property, built in the 90s, met all codes then—but try telling that to someone who’s just made the journey of a lifetime only to find herself waiting for the loo.
As one commenter, u/RoyallyOakie, put it, “I guarantee you that grandma needed to take man-sized dump.” Sometimes, the real emergencies at the front desk aren’t about room keys—they’re about restroom relief.
Housekeepers, Not “Maids”—And Definitely Not “Butlers”
If there’s one thing that gets hotel staff’s hackles up, it’s the terminology guests use for their colleagues. “I hated when guests called housekeepers ‘Maids’,” u/FCCSWF confessed. “Best housekeeper I knew was a man, no one called him ‘Butler’.” (Though, he admits, maybe they should have.) As u/PlatypusDream clarified, “A butler is not a cleaner. Maids & housekeepers are. A butler oversees & coordinates activities of the household staff.” Whatever the technicalities, respect matters—and calling someone a “maid” just because you saw it on a 1950s sitcom is a good way to get a polite correction at best.
And if you slip? Don’t worry. Most people are pretty forgiving. As u/Elvessa shared, “If someone called me ‘sir’ I’d think it hysterical.” Others, like u/EclecticObsidianRain and u/FlashbacksThatHurt, even find some joy in being mistaken for the “wrong” gender—it’s all about how you see yourself and the intentions behind the words.
The Quest for the Perfect Neutral Greeting
So, what’s the solution? The community had some ideas—from “Friends, Romans, Countrymen” (u/basilfawltywasright) to “Hello humans!” (u/Unnnatural20), and the ever-reliable “Your Honor” (u/lady-of-thermidor). Until the English language gifts us a universally respected, gender-neutral honorific, maybe the best we can do is greet each guest with warmth, empathy, and a healthy sense of humor.
Or, as u/LakeMichiganMan wisely recommended, “Do not use pronouns. Use the person’s name and/or use the third person so you seem eccentric.” And if all else fails, just own your mistakes and move on—after all, the real business of hospitality is making people feel welcome, no matter what you call them.
Conclusion: Let’s All Be a Little More Chill
Working the front desk is a daily dance of politeness, precision, and the occasional pronoun pitfall. Whether you’re a “sir,” a “ma’am,” a “dear dumbass,” or just a weary traveler in need of a bathroom, remember: we’re all just humans (or earthlings) trying to get through the day with a little dignity and a lot of patience.
So, next time someone calls you by the wrong honorific, maybe channel the spirit of the Reddit community—laugh, correct gently if you must, and remember that titles are fleeting, but kindness is forever.
What’s the funniest or most awkward greeting you’ve ever received? Drop your story in the comments below—let’s keep the conversation going!
Original Reddit Post: Pronouns and similar random memories