Outsmarting the Know-It-All: How One Apple Served Up the Perfect Slice of Petty Revenge
We’ve all got that one friend—the walking encyclopedia, the trivia titan, the person who can’t just let a fun fact be fun without a side of “actually…” They’re brilliant, cultured, and, if we’re honest, sometimes just a little bit exhausting. But what happens when you finally beat them at their own game? One Redditor’s deliciously petty tale of apple-fueled revenge is the snackable story we all need.
On a trip with friends, user u/janny27 found herself face-to-face with her group’s resident intellectual—a guy who could turn breakfast into a pop quiz and who seemed genetically incapable of passing up an opportunity to correct someone (with an extra helping of condescension on the side). But this time, she was ready. And her revenge? It came with a crunch.
The Breakfast of (Petty) Champions
Picture it: a sunny morning in a new city, friends gathered around the breakfast table, ready to fuel up for a day of exploring. Our protagonist bites into a crisp apple, eats around the core, and is immediately questioned by Mr. Know-It-All. Why not eat the whole thing, he asks, as if she’d just committed a fruit-based felony.
Anyone who’s ever been on the receiving end of a “well, actually…” knows the sinking feeling that comes next. Do you defend your apple-eating habits? Do you endure the lecture about fiber content, fruit anatomy, or world apple-eating customs? Not this time. Instead, janny27 serves up a sly, “Eh, it’s the cyanide in the seeds,” with a straight face, setting a perfect intellectual trap.
The Anatomy of a Smug Shut-Down
Now, for those curious: apple seeds do contain amygdalin, which can release cyanide when digested. That said, you’d have to eat a lot of seeds—think hundreds—to even approach dangerous territory. But our resident genius didn’t know that she knew that. Sensing a chance to flex his brain, he readied his arsenal of apple facts… only to be disarmed by her cheerful, “bro you know I’m just kidding, right?”
And there it was: the rare, glorious moment when the “actually…” is turned on its head. The look of speechless defeat, the subtle power shift, the silent celebration of everyone else at the table who’d been waiting for the know-it-all to meet his match.
Why Does This Taste So Sweet?
Why do these tiny victories feel so satisfying? For starters, intellectual arrogance can be surprisingly draining. What should be a fun, free-flowing conversation can quickly turn into a battleground of facts, with every misstatement pounced upon. It’s the social equivalent of a pop quiz you didn’t ask to take—and sometimes, you just want to enjoy your apple in peace.
Petty revenge, when served right, isn’t about cruelty. It’s about balance. It’s the gentle reminder that nobody likes being talked down to, and that even the most knowledgeable among us can stand to have a little humility with their morning fruit. Sometimes, it takes a well-timed joke (and a dash of faux-cyanide) to shift the dynamic and restore a bit of harmony to the group.
The Takeaway: An Apple a Day Keeps the Arrogance at Bay
Of course, our hero’s quick wit didn’t cure her friend’s condescension overnight. But it did earn her a sweet, private victory and perhaps a bit more breathing room at the breakfast table. The next time a know-it-all tries to roast your life choices (fruit-based or otherwise), remember: a little humor and a well-placed factoid can do wonders.
So, how do you deal with the know-it-alls in your life? Do you have a story of petty revenge (preferably with a side of fruit)? Share your tales in the comments below—because when it comes to facing intellectual arrogance, sometimes we could all use a slice of inspiration.
Whether you’re an apple-core-eater or not, one thing’s clear: revenge really is a dish best served with a wink, a smile, and maybe a little cyanide (just kidding… or am I?).
What’s your pettiest comeback to a know-it-all? Let’s hear it!
Inspired by u/janny27’s post on r/PettyRevenge. Read the original story here.
Original Reddit Post: Facing intellectual arrogance with an apple