Surviving Kevin: Welding, Weirdness, and Workplace Wonders in the Factory
Let me set the scene: You’re clocking in at a noisy factory, ready for a day of welding and (hopefully) sanity. But lurking in the background—often mumbling, occasionally sprinting in late, and always ready with a baffling question or questionable take—is Kevin. If you’ve ever worked with a “Kevin,” you know: it’s both a test of your patience and a never-ending source of wild stories. And thanks to u/Wonderful-Ad6335’s epic Reddit post, we all get to experience the rollercoaster that is working with a Kevin.
Because, apparently, you can survive five years alongside one and still be left speechless.
The Many Faces of Kevin: From Baffling to Infuriating
Let’s start with the basics: Kevin is a man of contradictions. He once studied for the Catholic priesthood but now welds in a noisy factory. He’s always late, despite living closer to work than the OP, and when he does arrive, he sometimes vanishes for ten minutes—presumably to commune with the welding gods (or just his car’s air conditioning). But as u/Drachenfuer hilariously points out, even if you wanted answers, “I would ask him but I wouldn’t be able to hear what he says.” Five years of mumbling in a steel jungle—truly, the stuff of legends.
Kevin’s greatest hits include asking what a “furry” is (unprompted), being horrified by a coworker’s Satanic priest character in a haunted house (“he’ll tempt you into Satanism!”), and not understanding factory etiquette—like not interrupting someone mid-weld to ask, “Would you rather fight a chicken-sized bear or a bear-sized chicken?” (Factory workers everywhere agree: don’t do this. As u/MurderedRemains and friends debate, the obvious answer is chicken-sized bear—less likely to eat you, more likely to become a housepet. “Teddy bear,” as u/rosuav quips.)
Social Skills, Safety, and the Struggle for Sanity
But Kevin’s quirks aren’t always harmless. In a factory where communication is literally a matter of safety, Kevin’s refusal to speak up (or, occasionally, his decision to scream for a sledgehammer) is a recipe for daily frustration. Imagine having to ask someone to repeat themselves four times over the roar of machines, earplugs in, and still not catching a word. “Imagine FIVE YEARS of this,” OP laments. The community felt the pain—u/RedDazzlr’s reaction says it all: “I. Am. Flabbergasted.”
Then there’s the issue of personal boundaries. Kevin’s conversational timing is… unique. He’ll wedge himself between coworkers mid-chat or lurk silently in your peripheral vision, Michael Myers-style, until acknowledged. When asked to be more considerate, Kevin’s solution? Standing in the doorway and screaming for attention. Welder jump scares: not recommended.
On the serious side, Kevin’s COVID-era behavior—refusing to mask up despite OP’s medical vulnerability, then spouting conspiracy theories after the tragic loss of a family friend—sparked an emotional response across the subreddit. As u/Cattitude0812 put it, “the stupidity of Kevins never ceases to amaze me!” The community rallied around OP, offering condolences and sharing their own stories of pandemic-era Kevins and their unshakable (often dangerous) beliefs. “Let’s just say I’ve not spoken to some people after some of the ‘Answers’ they’ve picked up online,” u/pacmanfunky reflected, highlighting how these encounters can leave lasting scars.
The Unfireable Enigma and Reddit’s Collective Therapy
Despite multiple suspensions for tardiness, sloppy work, and avoidable mistakes, Kevin remains unfired—a testament, perhaps, to the factory’s desperate need for warm bodies. As OP quotes their boss, “you’ll have to murder a guy to be fired.” (u/FluffyWienerDog1 jokes, “Don’t kill him… you’ll get fired.” “I won’t, I promise,” OP replies.) It’s a workplace catch-22: Kevin is both indispensable and inexplicable.
The Reddit community, for its part, finds catharsis in sharing, debating, and laughing through the madness. The “would you rather” debate took off in the comments, with users weighing the pros and cons of chicken-sized bears versus bear-sized chickens. Some, like u/astyanaxwasframed, offered genuinely thoughtful analysis (“roosters have spurs… you’re basically just fighting a dinosaur at that point”). Others, like u/MurderedRemains, cut to the chase: “Kevin is a cockhead.”
But underneath the laughter, there’s solidarity for OP and everyone who’s endured a workplace Kevin. “You are great. Please continue to share stories,” urged u/Drachenfuer, echoing a sentiment felt by many: sometimes, the only way to survive is to find the humor and share the pain.
Lessons Learned from Life with a Kevin
So, what do we take away from this saga? Patience, mostly. Maybe a renewed appreciation for clear communication, personal boundaries, and the value of a good HR department. (Also, never interrupt a welder mid-weld unless you want to become the subject of next week’s Reddit post.) But above all, there’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone—Kevins are everywhere, and together, we can survive them.
If you’ve got tales of your own “Kevin” (or “Kevina”), share them below. Or, as OP promises, stay tuned—there are always more stories to come.
Have you worked with a Kevin? Let us know your best (or worst) story in the comments!
Original Reddit Post: I Work With A Kevin