That Belongs Up a Butt: The Hilarious Case of the Hotel Ice Investigator
Picture this: It’s a buzzing, sold-out night at a mid-scale hotel. The phones are ringing, the lobby is alive, and our night auditor—Reddit’s own u/4LeafWonderlust—is putting out fires left and right. Suddenly, a guest storms up to the front desk, her mission clear. She’s not upset about the pillows, the breakfast, or even a wayward cucumber (that’s a whole other story). No, her grievance is far more… chilling. The ice from the first-floor machine is not as cold as the ice from the third floor—and she has receipts.
Welcome to the wild, weird world of hotel front desk tales, where the things guests do with thermometers just might surprise you.
When Ice Isn’t Just Ice: A Guest’s Frosty Obsession
If you’ve ever worked a hotel’s front desk, you’ll know that ice machines hold a special, almost mythical place in the hearts of travelers. But as our night auditor soon discovered, there are levels to this obsession. The guest in question was not content with a simple explanation about ice machine workloads. She needed scientific proof.
Out came not just two cups of ice—one a bit “melty,” the other colder—but a thermometer for precise measurements. Now, most of us, as Redditor u/PlatypusDream observed, might wonder, “Why is she carrying a thermometer at all?” Others, like u/upset_pachyderm, speculated she snagged it from the nearest quickee mart. And, as one commenter suggested, “She’s got kids”—perhaps making a thermometer (of any kind) an everyday purse item.
But this was no ordinary thermometer. As the guest squinted at her “instrument,” our quick-thinking night auditor had a sudden, horrifying realization: “Ma’am, that’s a rectal thermometer.” Yes, you read that right. She was measuring the temperature of her hotel ice with a device designed for far warmer, more… internal environments.
The Anatomy of a Meltdown: When Logic Fails
You might think the story ends there. But let’s be real—hotel front desk stories never end where you expect. The guest was undeterred by the explanation that high demand means the first-floor ice doesn’t sit in the machine as long, so it’s less frozen. She wanted a deeper answer—or perhaps just validation for her chilly crusade.
The situation quickly devolved into what u/RedDazzlr so perfectly captured: “She was so sure it couldn’t possibly be that simple that she wanted to show you that her head is so far up her keister that it doesn’t matter what type of thermometer she uses to check her temperature.” Sometimes, as front desk staff know too well, there’s no amount of logic that can melt these icy disputes.
Our hero, sensing a lost cause, took the path of least resistance: “That won’t get an accurate reading but thank you for bringing this to my attention. Go back to your room and relax, I’ll personally deliver the good ice to your room in a moment.” Problem solved—at least for one frosty guest on the second floor.
Community Reactions: Laughter, Logic, and the Great Thermometer Debate
The Reddit community, as always, had thoughts—and plenty of laughs. The top comment by u/KaleidoscopeNo7695 delivered a classic: “A doctor finds a rectal thermometer behind his ear and thinks, ‘Some asshole has my pencil.’” It’s the perfect punchline for a night that was, in every sense, a little behind.
Other commenters mused on the practicalities. Why was she carrying a rectal thermometer? Maybe it was all she could find at a late-night store (u/upset_pachyderm), or maybe she was a parent who just happened to have one on hand (u/Expensive-Wedding-14). As u/TheNiteOwl38 pointed out, having a fridge with an ice maker in every room might have spared everyone the spectacle—not to mention the front desk from an unexpected anatomy lesson.
And then there was the empathy. The original poster u/4LeafWonderlust admitted, “SAME,” when wondering why the guest had a rectal thermometer in tow. Sometimes, even hotel veterans can’t explain the mysteries that wander up to the front desk at 2 a.m.
Takeaways from the Front Desk: Expect the Unexpected
If there’s one lesson here, it’s this: never underestimate the lengths to which a hotel guest will go for the perfect cube of ice. Whether it’s wielding a rectal thermometer or questioning the very science of freezing, the guest’s determination is both hilarious and, dare we say, a little admirable.
But more than that, this story is a reminder of the patience, quick thinking, and sense of humor required to handle the hospitality industry’s weirdest moments. As u/RedDazzlr joked, perhaps the guest’s only real problem was “hotel ice machines being too complicated”—but at least she could rest easy, thanks to a front desk hero who delivered “the good ice” with a side of grace (and a dash of internal temperature humor).
So next time you’re at a hotel, spare a thought for the night auditor. And maybe, just maybe, leave the rectal thermometer at home.
What’s the strangest guest request you’ve encountered? Or have you ever gotten into a heated debate over hotel amenities? Share your stories in the comments—bonus points if there’s a thermometer involved!
Original Reddit Post: Ice machines dispensing ice at different temps… with receipts