That Don’t Tell Me Nothing! A Deliciously Petty Exchange at the Awards Breakfast
There are few things in life as satisfying as a perfectly timed comeback—especially when it’s delivered with just the right pinch of petty. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of someone’s dismissive attitude, you know the urge to clap back can be real. Today’s tale from Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge is a masterclass in quick wit, local pride, and serving up a side of humble pie at the breakfast table.
Picture it: a high school awards ceremony breakfast, the kind with rubbery eggs, overly enthusiastic teachers, and the awkward mingling of rival schools. Our hero, Reddit user u/Prestigious_Age_5718, and their friends find themselves seated with another school’s coach—one whose manners are, let’s say, a little undercooked. When the coach’s attempt at small talk turns sour, our protagonist delivers a petty but oh-so-satisfying clapback that leaves the table (and the internet) cheering.
The Scene: Awards, Awkwardness, and Attitude
Let’s set the stage. You’re at a school event, half-awake, more interested in the promise of free pancakes than networking. You find yourself seated with another team and their coach. The icebreaker? “Where are y’all from?”
Our Redditor, eager to be helpful, tries to explain: “We’re from the city right next to Auburn, where Auburn University is.” A logical answer, right? Auburn University is a landmark. But the coach, perhaps expecting a map, GPS coordinates, and a 3D rendering, replies with a huff: “That don’t tell me nothing.”
Oof. Not only grammatically questionable, but also dismissive. You can practically hear the collective eye roll from the Redditor’s table.
Petty Revenge, Served Hot and Fresh
Now, here’s where things get delicious. Undeterred, our quick-witted narrator flips the script: “Where are y’all from?” The coach, not sensing the trap, launches into a convoluted description involving a mountain, a river, and probably a partridge in a pear tree. As they finish painting their local landscape in the air, our hero waits for the perfect moment. The anticipation builds—one teammate even leans over and whispers, “Here it comes.”
Then, with impeccable comedic timing, our Redditor leans forward, lets their chair thump to the floor, and delivers the line: “That don’t tell me nothing.”
Cue the red-faced coach, the barely-stifled snickers, and, most importantly, the sweet taste of petty satisfaction.
The Power of Petty (and Why We Love It)
Why does this story resonate so much? Because we’ve all been there. We’ve all had someone dismiss our best attempts to relate or explain, only to turn around and do the exact same thing themselves. The joy of this story is in the symmetry—the coach’s own words coming back to haunt them, courtesy of a teenager with a sharp tongue and a sharper memory.
But beyond the humor, there’s a subtle lesson here about communication and empathy. When someone tells you where they’re from, they’re trying to connect, to find common ground. Responding with “That don’t tell me nothing” shuts that down. Our Redditor’s comeback, while petty, highlights the absurdity of gatekeeping local knowledge and reminds us to meet people halfway—even if you don’t know where Auburn is.
Breakfast Table Diplomacy: Handle With Care
School events are already a social minefield. Coaches and teachers have a responsibility to set the tone for their students, modeling respect and curiosity. This coach’s flippant response could’ve set the stage for awkwardness or even animosity. Instead, thanks to a well-placed zinger, the table got a much-needed laugh and a reminder that respect is a two-way street.
Plus, let’s be honest—sometimes the best way to deal with a snarky comment is to serve it right back (with a side of bacon, if possible).
Have You Ever Served Petty Revenge?
Stories like this are why we love the r/PettyRevenge subreddit. They remind us that sometimes, the smallest acts of pettiness can have the biggest impact. Whether it’s at the breakfast table or the boardroom, standing up for yourself (with humor!) is always in style.
What about you? Have you ever delivered a comeback that left the room buzzing? Or do you have a story where you wish you’d found your inner smart-aleck? Share your own tales of petty triumph in the comments below—we’re here for every delicious detail.
So next time someone tells you “That don’t tell me nothing,” remember: a good comeback is always on the menu.
Hey, Redditors and readers! What’s your favorite petty revenge story? Drop it in the comments, and don’t forget to follow for more tales of wit, wisdom, and well-earned payback!
Original Reddit Post: That don't tell me nothing!