The $0.87 Lunch: How One Manager’s Penny-Pinching Backfired in Hilarious Fashion
Picture this: You’re at work, slogging through emails, when you get not one but two department-wide messages about an upcoming event. It’s not a new project, not a groundbreaking announcement—just a simple farewell lunch at a national burger joint for the president’s son, who’s wrapping up his summer internship. You might think, “Well, at least I’ll get a free burger out of this.” But not so fast! In this tale of office absurdity, the only thing free is the entertainment value of watching management pinch pennies so hard they squeal.
Welcome to the world of “No Free Lunch,” where managerial miserliness, epic email overkill, and workplace pettiness collide in a story that’s equal parts jaw-dropping and hilarious. If you’ve ever wondered just how little goodwill a boss can buy for under a dollar, buckle up—this ride is worth every cent.
Let’s set the scene: Our narrator, u/mrhippo3, is toiling away under the dubious leadership of “Karen,” a Marketing Manager whose only real qualification is her last name and who she married. Karen, whose combined household income would make most of us weep with envy, decides to “treat” the department to a burger lunch for the president’s departing progeny.
But this isn’t your ordinary office lunch. No, Karen’s brand of generosity comes with a catch: after making the lunch a recurring agenda item and sending out multiple emails (because nothing says “team bonding” like inbox spam), she asks everyone to cough up exactly $0.87 to cover their share of the meal. You read that right—eighty-seven cents. Not a typo.
The office admin, wielding a dry wit sharper than the cheese on those burgers, deadpans, “I think I can swing that.” Cue the eye rolls and suppressed laughter. The irony? The cumulative time spent reading emails and discussing this micro-debt in meetings probably cost the company a small fortune—far more than the lunch itself.
Let’s crunch some numbers: If Karen’s department has, say, 20 people, that’s $17.40 total. But if each person spends just 10 minutes reading emails and sitting through lunch-related agenda items, and their average hourly wage is $30, that’s $100 in lost productivity right there. Factor in the ripple effect of interrupted focus, and you’re easily looking at a thousand-dollar “free” lunch.
But the best part? Our narrator decides to up the petty ante, spending the afternoon socializing with coworkers under the pretense of collecting their $0.87 debts. When the dust settles, he hands Karen a crisp ten-dollar bill and tells her to “keep the change.” A small act of subtle rebellion, perhaps, but one that perfectly highlights just how ridiculous the situation has become.
This story is more than just an office anecdote—it’s a masterclass in how not to lead. Here are a few lessons any manager (or aspiring office funnyman) can take away:
1. Penny Wise, Morale Foolish
When you’re in a position of authority, the occasional act of generosity goes a long way. Asking your team to Venmo you spare change for a tepid burger undermines goodwill and makes you look out of touch, especially if you’re drawing a six-figure salary.
2. The Real Cost of Cheapness
Management often overlooks the hidden costs of their decisions. In this case, the time spent on emails, meetings, and watercooler chatter far outweighed the cost of picking up the tab—or simply expensing it.
3. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Petty Revenge
Sometimes, fighting absurdity with a bit of dry humor (and a ten-dollar bill) is the best way to keep your sanity in the face of managerial madness.
So the next time your boss asks you to chip in for a tepid burger or sends yet another “urgent” email about napkin inventory, remember: the true cost of workplace miserliness is measured not in dollars and cents, but in lost morale, wasted time, and the stories we’ll all be telling for years to come.
What’s the cheapest thing your boss ever did? Have a similar tale of office pettiness? Drop your story in the comments below—because nothing brings coworkers together like laughing at management’s most miserly moments.
Inspired by the r/PettyRevenge post “No free lunch” by u/mrhippo3.
Original Reddit Post: No free lunch