The Apple That Never Spoiled: How One Newlywed Served Perfect Petty Revenge—Slice by Slice
There’s nothing quite as satisfying as the taste of well-served petty revenge—especially when it’s wrapped in love, a lunchbox, and a perfectly peeled apple. If you’ve ever been the butt of relentless workplace jokes, you’ll appreciate this sweet story from Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge, where a newlywed couple turned the tables on a workplace loudmouth, one lunchtime at a time.
Imagine: you’re fresh off your honeymoon, adjusting to married life, and you return to a job filled with the kind of co-workers who never miss a chance to poke fun. For “Dave,” our protagonist, this wasn’t just a hypothetical—it was his daily reality. But thanks to some creative teamwork with his wife “Sue,” Dave managed to keep the joke running just long enough to flip the script on his tormentor in the most satisfying way possible.
The Bite Heard ‘Round the Break Room
Dave’s story starts in the aftermath of his honeymoon, when newlywed bliss is supposed to be at its peak. But if you think marital giddiness was Dave’s biggest problem, think again. Having grown up during the Great Depression, Dave suffered from “soft teeth”—a dental legacy that required frequent dental visits and, at this point, left him unable to tackle an ordinary apple.
Enter Sue, his loving wife, who began peeling, coring, and slicing apples for Dave to make his lunches easier to eat. Harmless, right? Not if you work with the kind of blue-collar comedians who see a peeled apple as an open invitation to roast you for being “whipped.” For Dave, every lunchtime brought a fresh round of wisecracks about his honeymoon phase, reaching a crescendo when one coworker loudly mocked, “Boy oh boy, you can tell Dave’s still on his honeymoon if his wife’s doing THAT for him!”
Let’s pause for a moment: isn’t it funny how something as wholesome as a lunchbox apple can become a battleground for masculinity and workplace ribbing? But Dave, rather than bristle, saw an opportunity for some deliciously slow-burning revenge.
Petty Revenge, Sliced Thin
That night, Dave shared the story with Sue, who—far from being offended—was more than happy to join the scheme. “For as long as I work there, could you keep peeling my apples?” he asked. Sue, a woman after our own hearts, not only agreed but relished the chance to keep the joke going.
And so, for the next two years, every apple Dave brought to work was peeled, cored, and sliced with the same loving attention. The comments from the jerk? They gradually faded, as the joke got old and Dave’s “honeymoon phase” stretched on and on. By the time Dave landed a new job, the joke was all but dead—except for one last perfect punchline.
On his final day, Dave made sure to have his signature apple at lunchtime. He turned to his tormentor, made eye contact, and delivered the coup de grâce: “Well, I guess my honeymoon never ended, huh?” The room erupted in laughter—this time, at the expense of the loudmouth, who could do nothing but stare at the floor.
The Secret Ingredient: Teamwork
What makes this story so satisfying isn’t just the slow-burn revenge—it’s the teamwork. Dave and Sue turned a daily source of irritation into a private joke and a joint mission. It’s proof that sometimes, the best way to fight petty with petty is to do it together (and with a side of vitamin C).
There’s also something universally relatable here: the way small acts of kindness—like peeling fruit for a loved one—can become acts of quiet rebellion. Sue’s apples weren’t just about dental work; they became a symbol of enduring partnership, served up in the face of relentless teasing.
The Petty Revenge We All Need
Let’s be honest: most of us aren’t looking for high drama. We crave the little victories, the moments when the underdog gets the last laugh in a mundane battle. Dave and Sue’s story reminds us that you don’t always have to go big to get even. Sometimes, it’s the steady, consistent acts—done with a wink and a smile—that make the best kind of revenge.
So the next time someone tries to embarrass you over something wholesome, just remember: keep peeling those apples. Not only might you outlast the joke, but you might just end up with the last (and sweetest) bite.
What’s the pettiest but most satisfying revenge you’ve ever served—or savored? Tell us in the comments below!
RIP Dave—may your apples always be perfectly sliced, and your comebacks forever on point.
Original Reddit Post: Let’s see how long the honeymoon lasts…