The Backpack Battering Ram: One Engineer’s Perfectly Petty Doorway Revenge
Picture this: You’re a weary engineering student, lugging a backpack that feels like it’s filled with bricks—because, in a way, it is. Dense, hardback textbooks. Calculators the size of small children. Maybe a half-crushed granola bar at the bottom for moral support. You’ve just survived a grueling lecture, and all that stands between you and sweet, sweet freedom is a single, narrow exit door. One. Door.
But wait! Blocking your path is the dreaded “doorway clogger”—that one person who, for reasons known only to the universe, chooses to plant himself right in the middle of the exit, deep in conversation, oblivious to the human traffic jam building behind him. It’s enough to make any rational person dream of petty revenge.
And that’s exactly what u/NOCnurse58 delivered in a now-legendary Reddit post on r/PettyRevenge titled “Excuse me.” The story is as timeless as it is satisfying—let’s break it down, celebrate the genius, and maybe learn a little something about hallway etiquette along the way.
The Scene: College Hallways, the Great Equalizer
Anyone who’s ever set foot in a college knows that the real test isn’t just passing exams—it’s mastering the art of hallway navigation. Old buildings, architecturally questionable doorways, and the mass exodus of students conspire to create a daily obstacle course. Add a 20-pound backpack to the mix, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for sore shoulders and short tempers.
Our hero, the engineering student, describes these exits as “like a large sink with a small drain”—a vivid metaphor for the kind of bottleneck that would make any civil engineer weep. But on this fateful day, the usual slow trickle of students was brought to a grinding halt by one particularly oblivious “junior,” who decided the best place to catch up with a friend was smack in the middle of the only doorway.
The Clog Meets Its Match
We’ve all met “junior.” He’s the guy who thinks personal space is optional and that everyone else’s schedules revolve around his social life. On this day, he underestimated the power—and physics—of a determined engineering student with a heavy pack.
With a simple “excuse me” and a deft sideways turn, our protagonist made his move. Physics did the rest. The backpack, swinging with the momentum of a pendulum and the weight of a small asteroid, caught junior square in the chest. Suddenly, the human clog was dislodged. The flow was restored. The hallway gods rejoiced.
What makes this act of petty revenge so delicious is its subtlety. Nothing overtly aggressive. No shouting, no shoving—just a perfectly timed, plausible “accident” that sent the message loud and clear: Don’t block the door.
Why We Love Petty Revenge
There’s a reason this story resonated with thousands. It’s the little victories—those tiny moments where cosmic justice is served, not with anger, but with wit and timing. It’s the sweet satisfaction of seeing the rules of common courtesy enforced by the laws of physics.
Plus, let’s be honest: who among us hasn’t fantasized about wielding our overstuffed backpacks as weapons of justice? (Or at least, as tools of polite correction.)
Lessons in Hallway Etiquette
If there’s one takeaway here, it’s this: Doorways are for moving, not loitering. Standing in the middle of a single exit with 50 students behind you is like stopping your car in the middle of a highway to chat about your weekend. Just… don’t.
Want to make the world a better place, one hallway at a time? Step aside, keep it moving, and respect the backpack-wielding masses. You never know when a future engineer will teach you a lesson in momentum.
The Aftermath: Laughter and Legend
As the story goes, our hero didn’t even need to look back. A friend, having witnessed the “accident” from the best seat in the house, caught up with him—laughing all the way down the hallway. Sometimes, the best revenge is the one that leaves your friends in stitches and your nemesis speechless.
Have you ever pulled off a perfectly petty act of hallway justice? Or do you have your own stories of creative, low-stakes revenge? Share them in the comments below! And remember: in the game of doorways, may the most courteous (or most cunning) win.
Original Reddit Post: Excuse me