The Curious Case of Conspiracy Theory Kevin: Six Years, Zero PTO Changes, Infinite Questions
If you’ve ever worked in retail, you know that every store has its characters. The coupon queen, the grumpy regular, the coworker who somehow always gets away with taking “smoke breaks” every 15 minutes. But today’s story, courtesy of Reddit’s r/StoriesAboutKevin, features a legend among retail personalities: Conspiracy Theory Kevin. He’s not just your average gossip—he’s the reigning champion of holding on to company rumors long after everyone else has let them go.
So grab your timecards, clutch your PTO balances, and prepare to meet the man who’s still fighting a policy battle… from 2018.
The Legend of Kevin: A PTO Time Traveler
Let’s set the stage. Our narrator, u/cwu007, is a shift supervisor at a major US retail drugstore chain, sharing the floor (and patience) with Kevin, a 70-something-year-old coworker. Kevin’s legendary status comes from his knack for sniffing out (or inventing!) company conspiracies. His latest obsession? The idea that the company is about to limit how much paid time off (PTO) employees can carry over into the new year.
This isn’t just idle speculation. Kevin’s been stewing over this “imminent” policy change, grilling anyone in a company shirt about it, and—most hilariously—refusing to accept that the rumor was debunked over six years ago.
Déjà Vu, But It’s Just Kevin
Here’s how the PTO system works at their store: You earn a percentage of your hours worked as PTO. Simple math—work 40 hours, get 4 hours added to your PTO bank. Work 35 hours, add 3.5 hours. And, crucially, there’s no limit on how much you can carry over.
But Kevin? He’s not convinced. Despite being told (repeatedly) that the idea of a PTO cap was floated—and quickly abandoned—six years ago, Kevin keeps bringing it up. The narrator even ties the timeline to her own life: she was pregnant with her first child when the rumor started, and by the time she returned from maternity leave, the company had already scrapped the idea. Her child is now six years old. That’s a pretty memorable marker!
The Infinite Loop of Kevin
Like a retail version of Groundhog Day, Kevin’s questions don’t stop. He corners another supervisor to rehash his fears, only to be met with confusion and a gentle correction from our narrator—now delivered with enough volume and firmness to echo through the aisles.
Does Kevin listen? Of course not. He’s off for the next two days, but the narrator bets good money he’ll be back at it, questioning PTO policies as if it’s the first time every time. Some Redditors wonder if this is a sign of memory issues, but Kevin’s son (who also works for the company) vouches for his dad’s sharpness. It seems Kevin just enjoys the stir—a true PTO truther to the end.
The “Kevin” in Every Workplace
Let’s be honest: every workplace has a Kevin. They’re the ones who forward you the same “urgent” company email chain from 2014, who never trust the official memo, and who treat water cooler gossip as gospel. In Kevin’s defense, retail policies do change often, and sometimes upper management’s “proposed changes” never see the light of day. But Kevin isn’t seeking clarity—he’s nurturing a legend.
His story is a hilarious reminder of how easily workplace rumors can outlive their shelf lives. A single offhand policy proposal can echo through the break room for years, fueled by a few determined believers.
Should We Worry About a “Kevin”?
Is a Kevin just a harmless quirk, or a challenge to team productivity? Honestly, it depends on the day. On one hand, Kevin’s antics make for great Reddit stories and give coworkers a reason to roll their eyes together. On the other, repeated misinformation can cause anxiety and confusion—especially for new employees.
The best approach? Patience, humor, and maybe a bulletin board titled “PTO Myths Debunked Since 2018.” And let’s give a round of applause to the patient supervisors everywhere who have to explain the same thing—again and again.
Conclusion: Have You Met Your Kevin?
The next time you hear a rumor that just won’t die, ask yourself: is there a Kevin in your workplace? Or, dare we say, are you the Kevin? Don’t worry, we’ve all believed a persistent myth or two. But maybe it’s time we let go of the PTO panic and focus on what really matters—like who’s bringing donuts to the break room.
Have your own “Kevin” stories? Share them in the comments—we could all use a laugh… and maybe a little PTO.
Have you ever worked with a Kevin? How do you handle persistent workplace rumors? Drop your stories below!
Original Reddit Post: Again Kevin, That Was Scraped 6 Years Ago