The Curious Case of the Lobby Pooper: Tales from the Front Desk (and Beyond)
If you’ve ever fantasized that life working at a luxury hotel is all bellhops, sparkling chandeliers, and celebrity guests, let me introduce you to a less glamorous, utterly unforgettable side of hospitality: The Case of the Random Pooper. Yes, you read that right. There are five-star problems, and then there’s the problem of a mysterious guest leaving more than just tips in the lobby.
Picture it: You’re manning the front desk at a massive, high-end property when a guest approaches, a strange look on their face. “Excuse me. I think there is poo there in the lobby.” You blink. Maybe a child had an accident? No big deal. But then it happens again. And again. The suspense builds—who, or what, is the source of this serial soiling?
The Great Lobby Mystery: Unmasking the Culprit
At first, the staff at this plush hotel didn’t think much of the stray turd in the lobby. Accidents happen, right? But as reports kept rolling in, the mystery deepened. Security, equal parts curious and horrified, decided it was time to review the surveillance footage.
And there he was. An elderly gentleman, blending in perfectly with the well-heeled crowd, would pause mid-lobby, subtly shift his weight, hand in pocket, and then—like a magician performing a secret trick—shake his pant leg just so. Out would tumble the evidence, rolling onto the gleaming marble floor.
The front desk staff, freshly traumatized from watching the footage, were “impressed by the technique but also disgusted at the same time,” as the original poster recounted. Security traced the man to his room for a polite yet firm chat. After that, the lobby was safe once more. But for a time, every shift was fraught with nervous anticipation: Would the Random Pooper strike again?
It’s Not Just Hotels: Tales of the “Mad Pooper” Epidemic
If you think this story is a bizarre one-off, the Reddit comments will quickly set you straight. Turns out, public pooping is an unsavory epidemic far beyond the world of five-star hotels.
One top commenter, u/No-Obligation-2362, shared, “This happened to me all the time when I used to work at Walgreens. At least once or twice a week I would catch an elderly customer shaking the pant leg and then walk off only to find a nice pile of poo left behind.” Another Walgreens veteran chimed in with tales of finding used incontinence pads in the aisles. “I couldn’t even begin to imagine how that happened,” they mused.
Department stores, malls, casinos—no public space is safe. u/catwyrm recalled a notorious elderly lady who was so infamous for her “deposits” that security would shadow her, moving her along if she stopped. Meanwhile, u/westcoastsunflower described a “mad crapper” at their workplace who managed to leave fecal surprises everywhere—including, in a villainous plot twist, the staff coffee urn. As they put it (with a Schitt’s Creek flourish): “Ew, David!”
Why, Though? The Psychology and Physiology of Public Pooping
So what possesses someone to treat the world as their personal restroom? Redditors debated: Is it mental illness, medical necessity, or just plain depravity? u/DaneAlaskaCruz was left “mind boggled” by the public pooping phenomenon. Others pointed out the physical skill involved—one commenter with Crohn’s disease marveled at the logistics of shaking out a turd mid-stride, especially with “a hairy ass.”
Some tried to empathize, noting that age, illness, or lack of access to restrooms can play a role. But as u/aquainst1 observed, it’s “a sad commentary on today’s humans, where people have to get their secret poop skills honed sharp vs. buying Depends.” Others, like u/crazybadapple, offered a glimmer of hope: her husband’s workplace pooper at least had the decency to clean up after himself—with his bare hands, no less.
What’s clear is that bodily functions, shame, and public spaces make for a combustible mix. Some, like u/birdmanrules, insisted the only justified public poop is during a colonoscopy prep emergency—preferably on your own tiles, and always with bleach at the ready.
From Laughter to Law: Coping with the Un-copable
As much as these stories elicit disgust and disbelief, there’s an undeniable current of humor running through them. “You gotta admit those vitamins must be doing something right if they can shake those out like deer pellets,” joked u/Affectionate_Row1486. Others called for “indoor pooper scoop laws,” and several wondered aloud about the time and dedication required to master such a mortifying feat.
But the laughs are often tinged with exhaustion. Staff and security everywhere are, frankly, tired of being amateur detectives and poop janitors. “People have zero shame today,” lamented u/Miles_Saintborough. “They don’t care who they upset and some get off on making others disgusted.”
As for our original poster, the ordeal forged a unique camaraderie among the front desk staff. Each shift became a mini-thriller—would the Random Pooper return, or had peace (and hygiene) finally been restored?
Conclusion: Share Your “Mad Pooper” Tale
From five-star hotels to Walgreens and beyond, it seems no public place is truly immune from the scourge of the random pooper. Whether it’s a tragic medical mishap, a calculated act, or something in between, these stories remind us that hospitality workers deal with much more than lost luggage and late checkouts.
Have you ever encountered a “mad pooper” in your workplace or day-to-day life? Do you have a theory about the psychology behind public pooping? Share your wildest, weirdest, or most cringe-worthy tales in the comments below—because if there’s one thing Reddit has taught us, it’s that everyone has a story, and sometimes, it stinks.
Original Reddit Post: The random pooper