The Curious Case of the 'Stolen' Dildo: Hospitality’s Most Unexpected Lost & Found
If you think working the front desk at a hotel is all about bland pleasantries and checking IDs, let me introduce you to the real “lost and found” department of hospitality. Picture this: a mountain of hotel laundry, a squealing staff member, and a purple, battery-powered surprise that no amount of customer service training could ever prepare you for.
This isn’t your average towel mix-up. It’s the story of a “stolen” sex toy, a flustered guest, and the kind of customer complaint that makes you question everything you know about “guest relations.”
Veiny Surprises and Industrial-Strength Sanitizer: A Day in Hotel Laundry
The summer season brings with it a tidal wave of laundry—enough to make even the most seasoned front desk agent feel like an archaeologist excavating the ruins of guest comfort. But as u/LivingDeadCade, the original poster, recounts, not even the most ancient artifact could have prepared them for what awaited in the damp cocoon of used towels: a veiny, purple, battery-operated “object de amore.”
The staff’s reaction? Equal parts horror and hilarity. One agent was already elbows-deep in sanitizer at the chemical sink, and the entire crew gathered around for what can only be described as ritualistic giggling. The real fun, as the Reddit community later suggested, was imagining all the ways to return the “treasure” to its rightful owner. As u/Otherwise_Fined mused, “I would have presented it to her on a platter,” while u/CaptainBignuts took it a step further: “If it was the suction cup kind I would have stuck it to my forehead and given it back to her unicorn-style.”
And, yes, someone even suggested the Three Musketeers approach—“En garde, evildoer!”—with latex gloves, of course. Because, as the post shows, hospitality workers have mastered the art of laughing through even the stickiest (or, in this case, shakiest) situations.
The Accusation: A Very Serious (and Very Personal) Theft
Every hotel worker has stories of guests accusing staff of all manner of theft—phones, wallets, even, as the OP notes, cars. But this was a new one: a guest, freshly serviced by housekeepers after a night of servicing herself, called down with righteous indignation. Her accusation? One of the staff had made off with her beloved vibrator, and she wanted justice.
The phone call, as described by u/LivingDeadCade, quickly devolved into one of the most bizarre conversations imaginable. How do you even begin to explain to a guest that their prized possession wasn’t stolen by a “sex pervert” lurking in the linen closet, but simply scooped up with the towels and tossed into the wash? As the OP put it, “I truly cannot explain the bizarre and confusing conversation I was forced to entertain, in which I had to ask a guest why, on this beautiful green and blue marble we call earth, would someone steal the lady’s dildo.”
Redditors were quick to point out the cosmic folly in even asking such a question out loud. u/sylvar warned, “You asked the question out loud. You fool!”—with u/Dovahkin111 chiming in, “Pandora: Hold my box.” The consensus? Never tempt fate by thinking you’ve seen it all in hospitality, because the universe (and Murphy’s Law) always has one more surprise in store.
The Great Return: Not All Heroes Wear Capes—Some Wear Gloves
After a delicate dance of explanations, apologies, and an unspoken pact to never speak of this again, the guest arrived at the front desk, red-faced and ready to reclaim her property. The handoff? A fresh stack of towels, her “lost” item discreetly tucked inside—though some commenters, like u/biolochick, would have preferred a little more panache: “Room service tray under the silver lid. With KY packets instead of ketchup.”
Others, like u/Ana-Hata, wished the return had included a detailed “proof of ownership” session: “What color? How long? How thick? Single or double-headed?” But discretion won the day, and the guest disappeared back to the privacy of her double queen room, leaving staff to ponder the twists and turns of modern hospitality.
The community loved the saga, praising the storytelling (“This story? Hilarious. The way you wrote it? Award-winning.” - u/alteregomelette) and adding their own tales of misunderstood “massage tools.” As u/Defiant_Employment21 hilariously recounted, sometimes a “hand massager” is definitely not just for hands, no matter what the guest claims.
What’s Next? Never Say You’ve Seen It All
Perhaps the greatest lesson from this episode comes not from the object itself, but from the resilience and humor of those who serve on the literal front lines of the hospitality industry. As u/marcyiguess put it, “I absolutely love the way you told this story. You seem like a fun person to be around LOL”—a sentiment echoed by many. And, as the original poster wryly mused, after you’ve navigated the customer service minefield of a “stolen” sex toy, what could possibly shock you next?
Just don’t say it out loud.
Have you ever experienced a lost-and-found fiasco or a customer complaint that left you speechless? Share your stories below—because in the world of hospitality, the line between customer service and stand-up comedy is thinner than you think!
Original Reddit Post: “I have no idea why anyone would STEAL this from me, but they did!!!”