The Day Kevin Screamed at Rice: Workplace Pseudoscience and the Perils of Belief
If you’ve ever worked with a quirky coworker, you know the office can sometimes feel more like a sitcom than a place of business. But have you ever witnessed someone wage psychological warfare against… rice? Welcome to the world of Kevin, a man whose boundless curiosity and credulity led him to believe that screaming at carbohydrates could change the workplace for the better.
This is not a joke. This is the story of Kevin, a man with the intelligence to build LED gadgets, the enthusiasm to chase every rabbit hole, and the unshakable faith that “some Japanese guy on the Internet” had discovered the secret to a harmonious office: yelling at uncooked grains in glass jars.
Why Was Kevin Screaming at Rice?
Let’s set the table (pun intended): Kevin was a classic “Kevin”—the archetype of a person who is smart enough to build things but not always wise enough to question what he’s building. Sometimes this meant cool kitchen experiments or blinky circuit boards. Other times, it meant spending serious cash on perpetual motion machines or investigating conspiracy theories best left to late-night YouTube.
But his pièce de résistance was “The Rice Experiment,” a viral bit of pseudoscience concocted by Masaru Emoto. The premise? If you say nice things to a jar of rice, it will stay fresh and white. If you yell insults at another jar, it will turn black and rotten. A third jar, left ignored, serves as a control. According to Emoto, human intention and emotion have tangible, physical effects on water—and therefore, on rice.
Kevin’s logic: If rice can sense our vibes, maybe our workplace could benefit from more positivity too. The experiment, he insisted, would help prove the power of positive thinking and improve the toxic workplace culture.
“DUDE. We have a real problem here.”
Kevin pitched his idea with missionary zeal. He wanted everyone—including the author of the Reddit post, u/Old-Class-1259, and their narcissistic boss—to spend a month performing a daily routine: lovingly encourage one jar of rice, verbally abuse a second, and ignore a third. He truly believed this would reveal “unseen consequences” of our words and emotions.
But reality, as it often does, intruded.
The author’s response was gloriously blunt: “There is no path that leads to me screaming at rice for a month.”
Unfazed, Kevin tried to back up his claims with “science”—or at least, “some Japanese guy. On the Internet.” The boss, surprisingly, was intrigued but skeptical, vacillating between curiosity and suspicion. (Which, given the boss’s described personality, is probably as close to support as anyone could get.)
Why Do People Believe This Stuff?
On the surface, it’s easy to laugh at Kevin. Who yells at rice? But peel back the starchy layers, and you find something deeply human. Kevin’s not dumb—he’s just hungry for meaning, for ways to fix what feels broken, to make sense of a world that can often be hostile or inexplicable.
When real solutions feel out of reach (as they often do in toxic workplaces), the extraordinary becomes oddly appealing. Maybe, just maybe, if yelling at rice works, then something in this crazy world makes sense. And who wouldn’t want to believe that positive energy can literally change our environment?
The trouble is, pseudoscience preys on this hope. The rice experiment sounds scientific but falls apart under scrutiny. Multiple attempts to replicate the results under controlled conditions have failed. It’s a classic case of confirmation bias—the tendency to see what we hope to see, especially when the alternative (that our words might not change the universe) feels so unsatisfying.
The Aftermath: No Rice Was Harmed (We Think)
So, did the rice rot? Did the boss discover enlightenment in a jar? The Reddit post leaves us hanging. But the best part isn’t the outcome—it’s the journey. It’s the reminder that critical thinking is a muscle worth flexing, especially when someone insists you yell affirmations at your lunch.
Kevin eventually dropped the experiment (or at least, the author stopped paying attention). But years later, the memory of “Kevin Screams at Rice” still brings laughter—and maybe a little exasperation—to those who witnessed it.
Have You Ever Screamed at Rice?
Have you ever encountered workplace pseudoscience or been roped into a “team-building” exercise worthy of a sitcom? Share your stories below—or just tell us what you’d say to a jar of rice if you had the chance.
And remember: Science is cool. Screaming at rice is optional.
Like this story? Share your own tales of workplace weirdness in the comments! If you enjoyed this, check out more wild stories from r/StoriesAboutKevin.
Original Reddit Post: Kevin Screams at Rice