The Gassy Valet’s Revenge: When Rude Customers Met a Real Stinker
Let’s face it: customer service jobs can stink—sometimes literally. But what happens when the person behind the counter takes pettiness to aromatic new heights? Enter the overnight hospital valet who turned his, ahem, “natural abilities” into a tool for justice. This is the legendary tale of a gassy college student, rude hospital visitors, and the most unexpected weapon in the petty revenge arsenal.
If you’ve ever fantasized about giving an obnoxious customer a taste of their own medicine, you’ll want to buckle up for this ride. It’s a story that has Redditors both gagging and applauding in equal measure.
Late-Night Valet: Where Manga Meets Methane
Our hero, Redditor u/ZeroFluxGiven96, worked the graveyard shift as a hospital valet—a gig that was equal parts “study hall,” “manga reading nook,” and “personal cardio program.” But as anyone who’s ever worked the night shift can attest, the job had its downsides. Chief among them: the wide array of human personalities, from the grateful to the downright ghastly.
Most people, the OP admits, were just stressed or frustrated by an already bad day—after all, who’s happy to be at the ER at 2 a.m.? But there’s a difference between being upset and being a “dickbiscuit” (a term so deliciously descriptive that commenter u/After_Ad_7740 begged for permission to steal it).
While OP sympathized with folks grumbling about parking fees, the line was drawn at outright rudeness. Fat-shaming, name-calling, and general jerkery? That’s when the gloves—and the sphincter—came off.
Fill ‘Er Up, Fatass! (With Fumes)
For the truly heinous customers, OP developed a plan worthy of a supervillain origin story. The method was simple: jog to the rude person’s car, start it up, crank the AC to recirculate, and unleash a chemical payload that would make a skunk proud. As OP described, “If it was a really slow night, I could watch their expression fade into disgust as they had to wallow in my sweet revenge.”
Redditors were quick to pile on with their own puns and suggestions. “Rude customer: ‘Fill ‘er up, fatass!’ OP: ‘As you wish’ 🦨💨,” quipped u/Forward_Deer9230, much to the delight of the thread. Some even offered up “pro tips” for maximizing the malodor. “Instead of the AC, you should have cranked the heat on high! The heat would have intensified the stink!” suggested u/PKOtto, earning a hearty “dammit, you’re right lol” from OP.
The poetic justice wasn’t lost on anyone. “This level of pettiness is not just a hobby; it is art,” declared u/Vin-DicktiveDiaries, going so far as to recommend their own book on “vindictive justice” and anointing OP as the story’s muse. Sealing a rude stranger in a methane-filled sedan, apparently, is the stuff literary legends are made of.
Why a Stinky Reminder Might Be What the World Needs
Sure, it’s juvenile. Sure, it’s a little gross. But maybe, just maybe, it’s also a brilliant metaphor for the world of customer service. As u/Thick-Fly-5727 observed, “This is exactly why it is easier to be kind or neutral than being an ass, folks! Well played!” The “Dutch oven” approach to justice (as u/aquainst1 dubbed it) is a reminder that sometimes karma has a very personal scent.
Not everyone was just in it for the laughs. Some, like u/AlvinOwlHirt, offered heartfelt thanks to the unsung heroes of hospital valet parking, noting how much it eased their burden during a loved one’s medical crisis: “And the jackasses who were rude, deserved what they got.” Even OP looked back with a tinge of empathy, musing, “I was probably catching people at a low moment in their lives or on a bad day…but a stinky reminder to be kind isn't the worst thing, I guess.”
The Takeaway (And Take a Deep Breath)
Let’s be real: weaponized farting is not going to solve all of society’s ills. But the story of the gassy valet perfectly captures the everyday micro-battles between the overworked and the entitled. As u/iwannasayyoucantmake put it, “You weaponized farting. Unprecedented.”
So next time you’re tempted to snap at someone just trying to do their job, remember: you never know what form karma might take. It could be a manager, it could be a bad Yelp review…or it could be a silent-but-deadly ride home.
Let’s hear your best (and worst) tales of petty revenge! Have you ever served up poetic justice in your own unique way? Drop your stories in the comments below—bonus points for creativity, minimal points for toxicity (unless it’s metaphorical). And remember: kindness may not always be rewarded, but rudeness sometimes comes with a whiff of regret.
Stay kind, stay classy, and for the love of all things good—leave the heat off if a valet ever gives you a funny look.
Original Reddit Post: A Rude Customer? A Smelly Surprise!