The Great Condom Revenge: When Dad Outsmarts Your Petty Roast
Picture this: You’re at your dad’s birthday party, standing up to deliver the speech. You know the room’s hungry for a laugh, and you have the perfect story locked and loaded. You roast your dad—lovingly, of course—by recounting the time he gave your younger brother "the talk," complete with a legendary dad-ism about condoms being cheaper than kids. The crowd erupts. Dad looks amused. You feel like a comedic genius.
But what you forget is that dads—at least the fun ones—never take a hit lying down. And this dad? He’s about to show you that payback, like condoms, comes in many sizes and styles.
The Setup: Shots Fired at Dad’s Birthday
Redditor u/NunsWithNunchucks recapped his cheeky birthday speech for his father, poking fun at the infamous sex talk and his dad’s pragmatic advice: “sex can be expensive, so...condoms are cheap.” The room laughed, and so did Dad, who leaned in to promise some “payback.” Like any self-respecting offspring, OP waved it off as an empty threat. Big mistake.
A few days later, OP and his dad are out running errands. At a gas station, Dad’s sweet tooth becomes the Trojan horse for his revenge. With snacks in hand at the register, Dad asks the cashier to add a box of condoms—then proudly announces he’s buying them for his son. As if that weren’t enough, he shows the cashier a photo of OP and his girlfriend, and launches into a PSA about safe sex and youthful inexperience. OP tries to save face, but Dad’s relentless: “I would never joke about safe sex.”
The pièce de résistance? Dad emerges from the store with his snacks bagged, but the condoms on proud display—multiple brands, because “I didn’t know which you’d prefer.” If embarrassment is a contact sport, Dad just won the Super Bowl.
A Family Dinner for the Ages
But the saga didn’t end there. OP brought the story full circle at the next family dinner, where both he and his brother had invited their girlfriends. When it came time to say grace, OP seized the stage again. With everyone’s eyes closed, he sincerely thanked his dad for the “absurd amount of condoms,” praised his father’s protection of both his person and his penis, and delivered a live product review of the brands he’d “tested” (with help from his girlfriend, of course).
The reviews? Climax Delay: too numb, B for effort. Trojan: broke, F for possible pregnancy (blamed on Dad). Durex: sizing issues, and an existential crisis about how a man could misjudge his own son’s anatomy. Thanksgiving, but with extra awkwardness—and a side of family trauma.
“Are you happy now?” Dad finally asked. The answer, according to OP: “Yes. Lol.” Victory may be debatable, but dignity was left somewhere back at the gas station.
Comment Section Gold: The Internet Has Thoughts
Reddit loves a good family feud, especially one fought with wit and zero malice. The top-voted comment, from u/DM-15, summed up the duel: “Bro, you really protected yourself on all sides; and ribbed him, for their pleasure.” The puns came thick and fast (“Like a thousand tiny fingers,” “He was studded for sure!”), proof that Reddit’s comedic timing is only matched by its immaturity.
Others marveled at the collateral damage: “I can't imagine how the gas station employee or your girlfriend felt,” mused u/ForgetTheWords, sparking a mini-thread of ex-cashiers sharing tales of condom-buying awkwardness. One user, u/rainbowninja1994, confessed, “Gas station cashier here, relatively decent poker face but would probably crack and if I don't I would the second you left.” The consensus? For every mortified son, there’s a cashier with a story to tell.
Of course, not everyone was convinced of the story’s veracity. “Out of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most,” quipped u/TheAbyssGazesAlso—though plenty of readers chimed in to say their families were just as shameless. Even OP jumped in, cheekily admitting he’d embellished the condom “reviews” for effect—because if you can’t troll your dad in front of your mom and girlfriend, are you really living?
Family: The Original Petty Rivals
What makes this saga so universally loved is the warmth beneath the mischief. As u/Sojournsinsomnolence put it, “These are the kinds of memories that will stick with you throughout life. I'm happy to hear that your family is close enough to share jokes like this without judgement. A family like that is a gift many don't get.” Others, like u/LockonMetroplex, saw the love shining through: “All I see are a father and son who love each other and know how to have fun!”
Not everyone was on board with the level of public embarrassment—especially involving girlfriends. Redditor u/Genetic_Medic worried, “Quick way to lose a girlfriend buddy,” though OP reassured everyone that his girlfriend was in on the joke and “gave me her blessing to include her in my act.” In fact, several commenters revealed their own partners would have been laughing the hardest.
The Takeaway: Revenge is a Family Tradition
Maybe your family’s brand of bonding is less, shall we say, explicit. But the spirit is universal: Petty revenge, when done with love, becomes the kind of story you’ll laugh about for years. As u/Tiefschlag hilariously observed, “You didn't choose violence—you embraced every facet of it. May your portrait forever be connected with the words ‘no chill.’”
And if you’re worried about this being the end? Fear not. “You know your dad is gonna get you again,” predicted u/BIMMERTECH2000, and the comments section is already primed for the next installment of Condom Conundrums.
So, next time you roast your dad at a family gathering, remember: He’s got years of experience, a wicked sense of humor, and—if he’s anything like this dad—a healthy respect for safe sex and the long game of petty revenge.
Got a similar story of family antics, epic comebacks, or next-level pettiness? Share your own tales in the comments below—because, as this family proves, sometimes the best memories come wrapped in a little awkwardness…and maybe a box of condoms.
Original Reddit Post: Update: paid the price for making people laugh at my dad's expense