The Legend of Kevin: Surviving 16 Years of High School and Other Unbelievable Feats
Some people just march to the beat of their own drum. And then there’s Kevin—who, based on one Redditor’s unforgettable experiences, may have been playing an entirely different instrument. From spending a mind-boggling 16 years in high school (in multiple locations, somehow) to redefining what it means to be “technologically challenged,” Kevin is the kind of character you only encounter in the wilds of r/StoriesAboutKevin.
Prepare yourself for a journey through jaw-dropping logic, temperature tantrums, and a masterclass in creative problem-solving (and I use the term loosely). If you’ve ever worked with a “Kevin,” this one’s for you.
The 16-Year High School World Tour
Most of us are lucky (or unlucky) enough to graduate from high school after four years. Not Kevin. According to u/snowy_pink_leopard, Kevin claims to have attended all four years of high school in no fewer than FOUR different places: a town an hour away, “South Cali” (no city, just vibes), the mysterious “North Coast,” and, apparently, the Redditor’s own school. That adds up to—wait for it—16 years of high school. Either Kevin is a secret educational time traveler, or geography and math are not his strong suits. (Spoiler: It’s probably both.)
When pressed for details about these supposed alma maters, Kevin couldn’t even name a single city. High school is supposed to be the time you make memories, but for Kevin, it seems the only thing he picked up was a peculiar talent for never picking anything up.
A Mouse Too Heavy, A Nalgene Too Light
If you thought juggling four high school careers was a feat, wait until you hear about Kevin’s physical limitations. In a 2010 college computer class, Kevin’s only takeaway was how to turn on the computer—a skill drilled into him over an entire semester. But the real kicker? His wireless mouse was deemed “too heavy” to lift when it came time to change the batteries. This Herculean task was simply too much… despite the fact that Kevin regularly hoisted a 40oz metal Nalgene bottle all day, every day. Maybe the mouse was made of neutron star material? Or perhaps Kevin just had selective strength.
License to Fail
Driving is a rite of passage for many, but for Kevin, it was more like a recurring nightmare. After failing his driver’s test multiple times in his hometown, Kevin claimed the only way to pass was to take the test in a bigger town—because obviously, the size of the town determines driving skill, not traffic laws or parallel parking prowess. The best part? His town had its own DMV, and thousands of others managed just fine. But why let facts get in the way of a good excuse?
The Goldilocks of Thermostats
Temperature regulation is tough for some, but for Kevin, it bordered on quantum physics. He couldn’t work in environments above 71°F or below 72°F. Read that again: 73° was “too cold,” 70° was “too hot,” and 71-72° was apparently the Goldilocks Zone. Maintenance, not coworkers, was left to solve the riddle of the perfect degree. If only Kevin could have applied this same precision to geography class.
Winter Wardrobe Woes & Hazardous Heating Hacks
Even when winter roared with sub-zero chill, Kevin’s fashion sense refused to budge. No hat. No gloves. Just a light hoodie, cheap shoes, and an endless stream of complaints about the cold. The solution? Not more layers, of course, but a space heater—under the sheets, before bed. If you’re wondering how he survived without burning down the house, you’re not alone. Modern heaters have safety features, but when you’ve survived 16 years of high school, perhaps you develop a knack for sidestepping danger.
Kevin: A Case Study in Unintentional Comedy
Kevin isn’t just a coworker—he’s a legend, a walking “What Not To Do” manual. His saga is a reminder that sometimes, the most memorable people are those who defy every expectation of logic, common sense, and basic physics. Whether it’s the mysterious geography of his educational journey, his unique understanding of temperature, or his Olympic-level avoidance of minor physical tasks, Kevin keeps life interesting.
Have you ever worked with a Kevin? Or maybe you are a Kevin (don’t worry, we love you too). Share your own stories in the comments—because the world could always use another laugh, and maybe, just maybe, a little more common sense.
What’s your favorite Kevin moment? Drop it below, and let’s celebrate the marvels (and mysteries) of workplace legends together!
Original Reddit Post: Kevin did 16 years of high school