The Legend of Kevin: The Most Bizarre Coworker to Ever Grace a Deli Counter
If you’ve ever worked a customer service job, you know there’s always That One Coworker. You know the type—someone whose antics are so outlandish, you wonder if you’ve accidentally wandered onto the set of a sitcom. But trust me, nothing could prepare you for Kevin: the gray-haired, Switch-wielding, Taylor Swift-obsessed legend of the deli.
Yes, Kevin was his real name. And yes, every “Kevin” stereotype you’ve ever read about on Reddit? He lived up to them, and then some. This is the story of the most unforgettable deli worker you’ll ever meet—if you can catch him before he mysteriously vanishes.
Meet Kevin: The Sandwich Slacker
Let’s start with the basics: Kevin was, technically, employed at the deli. “Employed” might be a stretch, though, since he spent more time chatting up customers and playing his Nintendo Switch than actually making sandwiches. When he did deign to assemble a roll, the results were so lackluster you’d think he was trying to set a record for “Most Indifferent Assembly of Cold Cuts.” After months on the job, he still made sandwiches with all the care of a toddler stacking blocks—except toddlers usually improve with practice.
The Schemes—Oh, The Schemes
But Kevin’s true calling wasn’t in deli meats. No, his passion was get-rich-quick schemes, which he’d regale his coworkers with daily. Each plan was more unhinged than the last, often involving elaborate plots to “liberate” money from random celebrities. Every day brought a new “schizophrenia scheme” (his words, not mine), each less plausible than the one before.
One day it was “hacking Elon Musk’s PayPal,” the next it was “selling a rare sandwich recipe to Oprah.” He was always just one step away from fortune—or so he claimed.
The Taylor Swift Obsession
Perhaps the most head-scratching aspect of Kevin’s personality was his unwavering conviction that he and Taylor Swift were destined to be together. Not only did he believe this fervently, but he also insisted on sharing his vision in disturbing detail. Imagine trying to slice ham while your coworker describes his imaginary meet-cute with the world’s biggest pop star. It’s the kind of thing that makes you wonder if you’re living in a simulation.
Social Skills (Or Lack Thereof)
Kevin also had a unique approach to customer service. By “unique,” I mean borderline inappropriate. He would hit on customers who were way too young for him, seemingly oblivious to the discomfort he caused. Meanwhile, he’d occasionally hand out $20 bills to coworkers for no reason. Was it hush money? A bribe? Or just Kevin being Kevin? The world may never know.
The Zelda Breaks
Mid-shift, while the rest of the staff hustled through the lunch rush, Kevin would whip out his Switch and embark on a Legend of Zelda quest right behind the counter. Who needs to slice turkey when there are Bokoblins to defeat?
And if he was assigned a task? Better clear your schedule. A simple job that would take anyone else 15 minutes could absorb Kevin for an entire day. He moved at a pace best described as “glacier in reverse.”
“I’m Actually a Genius”
Despite all evidence to the contrary, Kevin was convinced he was secretly a genius—just hiding his true abilities, you see. Perhaps his intellect was too advanced for the deli world. Or maybe he just didn’t want to show off.
The Disappearing Act
Then, as suddenly as he’d appeared, Kevin vanished. No explanation. No farewell. One day he simply didn’t show up, leaving coworkers to wonder if he’d finally been recruited by Taylor Swift’s security detail—or maybe just wandered off on another epic Zelda quest.
Why We Love (and Fear) the Kevins of the World
Every workplace has its characters, but Kevin is in a league of his own. His blend of laziness, wild imagination, and utter unpredictability made daily life at the deli anything but dull. Sure, he might not have been Employee of the Month material, but he left behind stories that will be told for years.
Have you ever worked with a real-life Kevin? Or do you have a coworker whose antics are too wild to make up? Share your stories in the comments below—I promise, we’re all in this together.
Because as long as there are delis (and Switches, and Taylor Swift fandoms), there will always be a Kevin. And honestly, where would we be without them?
Did this story remind you of your own legendary coworker? Drop your best tales below and let’s keep the Kevin chronicles alive!
Original Reddit Post: There was an actual Kevin that worked at my last job (deli)