When Book Smarts Meet Can Openers: The Malicious Compliance That Left a Harvard PhD Hungry
Sometimes life throws us curveballs. Sometimes, it throws us cans—cans that need opening, and roommates that need humbling. Today’s tale, straight from Reddit’s r/MaliciousCompliance, is a savory mix of petty revenge, academic pride, and the ultimate test of real-world skills: operating a can opener.
Imagine renting your spare room to someone you know—maybe even feeling a bit sorry for them, handing out a discount, and trying to make life easier. Now imagine that person not only leeches off your food but also breaks your can opener and demands a replacement… all while constantly reminding you that their Harvard PhD trumps your “state school” credentials. What do you do? For one Redditor, the answer was deliciously simple: malicious compliance, served with a side of mechanical frustration.
The Roommate Olympics: Can-Opener Edition
Our story’s landlord—let’s call them OP—was already running the Roommate Olympics, but their contestant was a surprise: the ex-husband of a friend, armed with a Harvard PhD and a penchant for canned food. As OP recounted, not only did this roommate rely on OP’s can opener daily (when he wasn’t raiding the fridge), he managed to break it and then insisted, “As landlord, you have to buy a new one!”
But this wasn’t just any old roommate spat. As OP shared, the Harvard grad never missed a chance to remind them of his Ivy League credentials, despite working a minimum-wage job unrelated to his degree. “He was very proud of his Harvard PhD. He didn’t use it in his minimum-wage job, but he never avoided an opportunity to remind me that my PhD was from a state school,” OP wrote. The kicker? OP was actually working in their field and had collaborated with Nobel Laureates.
So, when tasked with replacing the can opener, OP saw their opportunity for some gourmet-grade malicious compliance.
Book Smarts vs. Life Skills: The Great Can Opener Challenge
Instead of picking up a simple can opener, OP bought a fiendishly tricky manual model—think electric opener, but without the helpful cord. The twist? OP knew how to use it; their roommate, not so much. What followed was a comedy of errors: mangled cans, battered tins in the trash (not even recycled!), and a Harvard PhD utterly defeated by a basic kitchen tool.
When the roommate inevitably caved and asked for help, OP delivered a masterstroke of shade: “A guy with a Harvard degree should certainly be able to figure that out on his own, if a guy like me can.”
The Reddit community, of course, had a field day. Top commenter u/avid-learner-bot quipped, “If a guy with a Harvard PhD couldn't figure out how to use a can opener, maybe he should stick to opening cans with a spoon... or at least ask for help before bragging about his degree.” The universal consensus? All the book smarts in the world won’t help if you never learned to Google “how to use a can opener.”
u/OpalFroth summed up the lesson: “All that bragging about Harvard, but defeated by a can opener. Kinda proves that book smarts don’t always translate into real-life skills.”
Can Opener Lore: From P-38s to Petty Comebacks
For those curious about can opener history, the comments went deep—way deeper than you’d expect. u/erie774im suggested using a “P-38,” the legendary military-issue can opener, which, as army vets and Scouts will recall, is as simple as it is baffling for the uninitiated. “I had one of those in college. It hurt my fingers every time I tried to use it. Probably I ate way more fresh food than I would have otherwise, just so I wouldn't have to open a can,” joked u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys.
But perhaps the best lore came from the Harvard jokes themselves. “How do you know when someone’s gone to Harvard? Don’t worry. They’ll tell you,” wrote u/DoctorPainless, spawning a thread of Harvard/Crossfit/Vegan one-upmanship. And in a moment of real talk, u/Dornith noted, “People who make a genuine effort to solve their own problems outclass any genius with learned helplessness. It doesn't matter how smart you are if you aren't going to apply those smarts in the first place.”
Lessons from a Mangled Can: Pride, Petty Revenge, and Real-World Skills
Beyond the laughs, there’s a deeper takeaway here. As u/FullMoonTwist pointed out, “That’s not just stupidity, that’s something fundamentally broken in there,” referencing the roommate’s refusal to even try Googling instructions, buying his own opener, or switching to pull-tab cans. Several commenters noted the irony: two PhDs (one from Harvard!), yet neither living large—highlighting the gap between academic achievement and practical skills.
And while some, like u/silky_string, found the story “sad,” it’s also a reminder that kindness (like discounted rent) isn’t always repaid—and that sometimes, a little well-placed pettiness is the only seasoning left in the pantry.
So, the next time you reach for a can of beans, remember: it’s not the letters after your name that matter—it’s whether you can open dinner.
Over to You: Can You Handle the Can?
Ever been bested by a household gadget? Or had to teach a “genius” a basic life skill? Share your stories below! And if you’re from Harvard—you’ll let us know, right?
Original Reddit Post: Roommate broke my can opener, so I bought a new one that I knew I could figure out how to use.