When Dad's Just a Sperm Donor: A Rapper's Hilariously Petty Revenge Goes Viral
Imagine making it big in your hometown—dropping bars, stacking followers, living your best life—and then the dad who ghosted you for two decades slides into your DMs to “reconnect.” What do you do? If you’re the star of today’s story, you serve up a masterclass in petty revenge, with a soundtrack worthy of the drama.
Let’s set the scene: a deadbeat dad, a resilient family, and a rapper with a wicked sense of humor. The result? One of the most satisfying clapbacks Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge has seen in a while—and a comment section nearly as entertaining as the saga itself.
Sperm Donor Tries to Cash In: The Plot Thickens
Our story, courtesy of u/BenLucario, revolves around his cousin—a 20-year-old rapper who’s made a name for himself locally. Decades back, his biological father pulled a Houdini, vanishing and leaving his young son and ex to fend for themselves in the wilds of Dakota (North or South—does it matter when you’re abandoned?). Luckily, the cousin’s mom found her way back to family, and her son was later adopted by a truly stand-up guy who’s been “Dad” ever since.
Fast forward to today: the prodigal rapper is living independently, close to his real family, and, oh yeah—his bio-dad is lurking online, liking ancient photos and dropping cringe-worthy messages about how “he helped create him.” As u/Imguran nailed in the comments, “Relatives become important to them once the smell of money or fame is in the air.” Turns out, nothing brings out long-lost kin quite like a whiff of clout.
And as more details emerged, things only got juicier: not only did the sperm donor try to rewrite history, but he also accused the mom of sleeping around (classic projection, since it was apparently him doing the sleeping around). Even more jaw-dropping? The man boasts a whopping 20 (yes, twenty!) other kids scattered across the country. Move over, Maury.
Petty Revenge, Served with a Beat
So, what’s a rapper to do when faced with a sperm donor suddenly desperate to play “World’s Best Dad?” According to the OP, laughter was their first weapon—mocking the dad as a “walking, talking sperm bank.” But the real pièce de résistance came on social media.
At the cousin’s suggestion, he posted screenshots of the bio dad’s shameless attempts at fatherly affection—soundtracked, appropriately, by Big Sean’s “I Don’t F*** With You.” (Even if you’re not a rap fan, you have to appreciate the poetic justice.) As u/Tree_Chemistry_Plz quipped, “no one here is fukkin wit chu.”
The kicker? The cousin added a scathing caption: his bio dad can “keep the spoiled milk he left to get after 20 years of absence,” reminding everyone that his only real contribution was some DNA. The internet, predictably, went wild.
When “Family” Is Just a Technicality
The comment section lit up with a mix of applause, commiseration, and some next-level snark. As u/awgeezwhatnow put it, “The people that abandon family/kids then expect a warm embrace when its convenient for them to return can eff right off. Self-centered losers.” The consensus? You don’t get to show up after 20 years and expect a parade, especially if your only claim to fame is your reproductive prowess.
Others, like u/apworker37, wondered if the cousin could sue for 15 years of child support (only to be gently corrected—adoption changes the legal playing field). Still, the idea of making the sperm donor pay retroactively had some poetic appeal.
Redditors also drew parallels to celebrity tales—John Lennon, Steve Jobs, Rihanna, Shaq—all had absentee parents suddenly “remember” their kids once the spotlight hit. Turns out, this story is as old as fame itself.
Of course, there was the obligatory “but what about forgiveness?” angle. u/The-Joe-Dog suggested compassion and empathy, but was met with a collective eye-roll (and a stinging retort: “You too must be a sperm donor. He was a grown ass man that made choices to abandon his child and went on to create 20 fatherless humans. Zero empathy. ZERO.”). As u/ManiacMachete snarked, “Did you go out for milk and forget your address too?”
The overwhelming verdict: sometimes, cutting out toxic people isn’t just healthy—it’s hilarious.
A Lesson in Petty, and the Power of Chosen Family
What makes this saga so satisfying isn’t just the pettiness (though it’s delicious)—it’s the celebration of real family. The cousin’s adoptive dad, who stepped up and loved him unconditionally, gets the spotlight. As the OP made clear, “My uncle…still sees my cousin as much his bio son as if he helped conceive him.”
And that’s what the cousin’s viral post really drives home: family isn’t about DNA, but about who shows up, who sticks around, and who earns the right to be called “Dad.” The sperm donor? He can keep scrolling—and looking for that spoiled milk.
Conclusion: Share Your Story—Or Your Petty Revenge
Petty? Maybe. Deserved? Absolutely. Whether you’ve got an absentee parent, a clout-chasing relative, or just love a good social media smackdown, this story is a reminder that sometimes the best response is to get the last laugh…and maybe a few thousand likes.
What about you—have you ever served up some cold revenge to a long-lost “relative”? Or do you think forgiveness is the higher road? Drop your best stories (and pettiest burns) in the comments below!
Original Reddit Post: My cousin's bio dad wants to 'connect' with him after over 20 years.