When 'Kevin' Gets Tenure: The Tale of the Perpetually Lost Special Ed Teacher
In the world of education, legends abound. There are teachers who inspire, those who challenge, and those who change lives. And then, there’s Kevin. Or, as Reddit user u/CooperArt calls him, Alex: the special education teacher whose tenure is less a badge of honor and more a testament to the universe’s uniquely twisted sense of humor.
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a school hires someone spectacularly ill-suited for the job—and then gives them tenure—buckle up. This is the story of Alex, the teacher who could get lost in a hallway, stuck in a bulletin board roll, and still collect a paycheck. If you’ve ever had a “Kevin” at your work, you’ll feel right at home. If not, prepare to be entertained, exasperated, and maybe a little bit terrified.
The Warm Body Conundrum: When Quantity Trumps Quality
Let’s set the scene: a school with a rigorous autism program, where the need for hands-on, attentive special educators is as real as it gets. Enter Alex—older, perhaps wiser in years, but comically unprepared for the basics, from logging onto Wi-Fi to (checks notes) remembering which students are which after four months.
At first, his colleagues made the kind of allowances you might for anyone new to the job. Tech hiccups? Sure. Yogurt on the tie? Been there. But the cracks widened quickly: Alex struggled to remember student names (never a good look in special ed), got lost en route to his own classroom (daily), and couldn’t master the art of taking attendance. After six months. You’d think that might raise an eyebrow or two.
Yet, Alex’s true pièce de résistance wasn’t in what he did, but what he didn’t do. The required training to access the school’s online platform? Still pending years into the job. Casework? On paper only—meaning his colleagues picked up the slack, doubling their own caseloads while Alex coasted by, blissfully unaware.
Adventures in Absurdity: The Chronicles of Alex
Alex’s day-to-day escapades are the stuff of sitcoms. Forgetting how to get into the building, getting stuck in a roll of bulletin board paper for four minutes (imagine the content teacher, watching in disbelief), sitting idly while others fetched him a chair, and leaving behind a trail of lunch remnants as his only legacy in the staff room. Every workplace has its tales of the hopelessly inept, but Alex elevates it to performance art.
The administration’s approach? Well, after realizing Alex needed constant supervision and contributed little to meetings (when he remembered to show up), they simply…stopped trying. The assistant principal in charge of special ed didn’t even bother tracking him down anymore. His involvement was, in her words, pointless.
And yet, despite these mounting mishaps—despite being a drain on resources and morale—Alex was not only kept on staff but also awarded tenure. Not because of his contribution, but because, in the world of education staffing, “a warm body is better than nobody.” Even if that warm body is frequently lost, confused, and stuck in various objects around the building.
The Real Cost of the “Kevin” Phenomenon
Alex’s saga is hilarious, yes—but it’s also a sobering glimpse into the reality faced by many schools. Chronic underfunding, staff shortages, and administrative inertia can create an environment where simply having a pulse is enough to secure a role. The result? Overburdened colleagues, underserved students, and a system that rewards mediocrity—or, in this case, absolute bewilderment.
For competent teachers, watching a “Kevin” not only survive but thrive (at least on paper) is maddening. As u/CooperArt laments, competent staff are pushed out or burned out, while the Alexes of the world seem almost untouchable, protected by union rules, administrative apathy, or just sheer inertia.
If You’ve Got an Alex, You’re Not Alone
Maybe your workplace Kevin isn’t a teacher. Maybe they’re the IT guy who’s never fixed a computer, or the office manager who manages to lose their own desk. The phenomenon is universal, and it’s oddly comforting to know that, sometimes, the system really is broken in the most absurd ways possible.
So next time you find yourself picking up the slack for a “Kevin”—or watching them struggle to operate a door—take solace in the fact that somewhere, in a school not unlike yours, Alex is probably still wandering the halls, blissfully unaware, yogurt on his tie, and tenure in his pocket.
Have your own “Kevin” story? Share it in the comments! Misery—and laughter—love company.
Based on a true Reddit post from r/StoriesAboutKevin. Read the original here.
Original Reddit Post: We Need Special Ed Teachers. So We Hired Kevin. Kevin has Tenure Now.