When Nick Became “Dick”: A Petty Workplace Introduction Gone Hilariously Wrong
There are unwritten rules to surviving your first day at a new job: be polite, listen more than you talk, and, for the love of coffee, don’t try to rebrand your coworkers. But some folks just can’t help themselves. Case in point: a Redditor’s delightfully petty story about how a cocky “Nick” got his name—and his attitude—handed back to him in front of the whole office.
It’s a tale as old as water cooler banter: sometimes, the best way to teach a lesson is with a little quick wit and a dash of public embarrassment.
The Setup: New Kid, Old Mistake
Our narrator, Jake, had been working at a small, friendly company for three years—a place where everyone knew your name, literally. Enter Nick, a fresh-faced newbie, just hours into his first day. As Jake extended the classic welcoming handshake and introduced himself, Nick decided to make things…interesting.
Instead of accepting “Jake,” Nick insisted on calling him “Jacob.” Not a huge deal, right? Except, when Jake politely corrected him, Nick doubled down: “Well, I like Jacob and you look more like a Jacob than Jake so I am just going to call you that.” Bold move, Nick, especially when you’re still learning where the bathrooms are.
The Comeback: Petty, Perfect, and Public
Now, Jake could have let it slide. He could have mumbled, gritted his teeth, and let Nick get away with this odd power play. But sometimes, a line must be drawn in the sand—and sometimes, that line is drawn with a smile and razor-sharp wit.
With the whole staff assembled in the lobby, Jake delivered his pièce de résistance: “Ok Nick, but then I am just going to have to call you Dick.” The office, about 20 coworkers strong, erupted in laughter. Nick went redder than the company logo and sheepishly admitted, “Yeah, I didn’t think that one through very well!”
The Takeaway: Choose Your Battles…And Your Names
Let’s be honest: names matter. They’re personal, they’re part of our identity, and, in the world of office dynamics, they’re often the first test of mutual respect. Nick’s rookie mistake wasn’t just being stubborn—it was forgetting that respect is a two-way street, especially when you’re the new guy.
Sure, workplace banter can be fun. But if you haven’t even figured out how to refill the printer yet, maybe don’t start by rebranding your colleagues. There’s a reason “Dick” is a nickname for Richard, not Nick.
The Sweet Science of Petty Revenge
What makes this story so satisfying? It’s the perfect example of “petty revenge”—that brand of justice that isn’t cruel or career-ending, but just enough to restore balance to the universe. Jake didn’t yell, didn’t escalate; he simply gave Nick a taste of his own medicine, with a side of public accountability.
It’s a reminder that sometimes, the best way to deal with an office antagonist isn’t HR paperwork, but a well-timed quip. If you’re going to dish it out, you’d better be ready to take it.
Lessons for the Modern Workplace
- Respect is earned, not demanded. Especially on your first day.
- Listen to how people introduce themselves. If someone says “Jake,” don’t insist on “Jacob.” It’s basic courtesy!
- Humor can be a powerful teacher. Jake’s comeback was funny, pointed, and left no hard feelings—just a valuable lesson.
- First impressions matter. Don’t be “that guy” everyone remembers for the wrong reason.
Conclusion: Would You Have Done the Same?
We all have a little “Jake” in us—a line we won’t let others cross, especially when it comes to our name. And while not every workplace needs a “Dick” moment, it’s stories like these that remind us how important a little self-respect (and a quick wit) can be.
Would you have handled Nick’s attitude the same way? Or do you have your own petty revenge tale to share? Drop your thoughts—or stories—in the comments below. Don’t forget to call your coworkers by the names they choose. Trust us, it’s easier that way!
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Original Reddit Post: Dont be a D**k when you're the new guy!