When Splitting the Bill Goes Wrong: How One Couple Outsmarted Their Mooching Neighbors
If you’ve ever had dinner with someone who thinks “let’s split the bill” means subsidizing their three-course feast and bottomless cocktails, you know the sting of a mooch. But what if you could flip the script, catching the culprits at their own game—one separate check at a time? That's exactly what happened in this deliciously petty tale from Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge, where neighborly camaraderie collided with the oldest trick in the dining-out playbook.
Grab your menus and fasten your napkins, because this story isn’t just about food—it’s a master class in serving up justice, one receipt at a time.
The Friendly Invitation… or So They Thought
Our story begins in the scenic calm of upstate New York, where “u/itsandrewbuck” and his wife hoped to nurture some neighborly warmth with the retirees across the street, Joey and Linda. The plan was innocent: share a nice meal and some good conversation. The reality? A crash course in “dining with moochers 101.”
Things started innocently enough at the local Italian joint. Our heroes, modest eaters and light drinkers, ordered just mains and a shared starter. Joey and Linda, meanwhile, treated the menu like a personal challenge: drinks, starters, mains, and desserts. When the bill came, the couple across the table didn’t miss a beat, forking over exactly half and leaving our storytellers to cover the tip and, essentially, their excess. Oof.
A Pattern Emerges—And So Does the Plan
If there’s one thing more reliable than a mooch at dinner, it’s their consistency. Each subsequent outing followed the same script: Joey and Linda feasted with abandon, then insisted on splitting the bill down the middle, regardless of who ordered what. Even when our narrator politely suggested paying for what they ordered, the negotiations turned into a battle of wills and guilt trips—with our couple usually relenting.
But after a few rounds of this, the writing was on the wall (or maybe the check). Our protagonist realized it was time for a little creative justice.
Revenge, with a Side of Separate Checks
The opportunity struck at a particularly upscale restaurant. Before Joey and Linda could launch into their usual “order everything” routine, our narrator quietly pulled the waiter aside and arranged for separate checks. The meal continued as usual, with their neighbors blissfully unaware, stacking up appetizers, mains, and desserts like there was no tomorrow.
Then came the moment of truth. Two checks landed on the table—one with a modest total, the other a monument to culinary excess. The look on Joey’s face? “Priceless.” Red-faced and furious, he realized he’d finally have to pay for his own (over)indulgence. The free ride was over, and the table had turned—literally and figuratively.
The Art of the Polite Dodge
But the story doesn’t end there. After a cooling-off period and some neighborly small talk, Joey attempted to resurrect the dinner tradition. This time, our clever couple mastered the art of the polite dodge: lost cell signals, traffic delays, vague promises to “catch up later.” Did Joey and Linda dine alone that night? No one knows—but it’s safe to say the days of subsidized suppers were officially over.
Why This Revenge Tastes So Sweet
What makes this petty revenge so satisfying? It’s the subtlety. There was no confrontation, no shouting match over the salad fork. Just a simple, elegantly executed plan that forced the moochers to pay their fair share for once. It’s a gentle reminder that sometimes, the best way to change someone’s behavior is to simply stop playing along.
And for anyone who’s ever gritted their teeth through an unfair bill split, this story is pure catharsis. Next time you dine out, remember: separate checks aren’t just for convenience—they’re for justice.
Have You Ever Been “Check-Mated”?
Have you ever endured a dinner where you felt like the unwitting sponsor for someone else’s feast? Or maybe you’ve delivered your own brand of low-key revenge? Share your stories in the comments—because, as we all know, revenge is a dish best served… with a separate check.
What’s your best (or worst) bill-splitting experience? Let’s swap stories below!
Original Reddit Post: Revenge is a dish best served with a separate check