When the Town Drunk Demands a Ride—and Ends Up Paying (Literally) for His Mistake
There’s something uniquely entertaining about small-town drama—everyone knows each other, the police know your dog’s favorite treat, and when chaos strikes, the entire night shift shows up. But sometimes, living in a sleepy, no-traffic-light village means your petty revenge opportunities come knocking—literally—at your door.
One Redditor, u/jnelsoninjax, recently recounted a story from 24 years ago that’s pure, distilled petty revenge, set in the kind of town where being “the town drunk” is a full-time job and everyone, even the 911 dispatcher 40 miles away, knows your business. The protagonist? Their mother-in-law’s boyfriend, the aforementioned town drunk, who just wanted a ride home. Spoiler: He got it—after paying up.
Small Town, Big Headaches
Let’s set the scene: It’s late in a tiny town, the kind where your biggest concern is keeping your baby asleep. Our storyteller and his wife are unwinding after a long day, blissfully unaware that their night is about to get a lot more… interesting. Cue the relentless knocking—first the front door, then the back, then the windows. Anyone who’s ever had a persistent, unwanted visitor can feel the anxiety rising.
But in this case, it’s not just any neighbor—it’s the mother-in-law’s boyfriend, a man infamous enough that even the distant 911 dispatcher immediately recognizes his name. When your local law enforcement knows someone that well, it’s never a good sign.
After being ignored, the boyfriend does what any inebriated, entitled small-town legend would do—he lets himself in. Unlocked doors are invitations in Mayberry, but this time, he crossed a line. With a baby sleeping and nerves fraying, our narrator calls the police, and the response is swift and, dare we say, over-the-top: the entire night shift and the county sheriff’s deputies descend, weapons drawn. It’s like the climax of a spaghetti western, but with more Bud Light and fewer tumbleweeds.
“All I Want Is a Ride Home!”
As the police wrangle the boyfriend, he protests: “All I want is a ride home.” It’s the kind of excuse every bartender, bouncer, and town cop has heard a hundred times before. But tonight, the stars align for a lesson in both boundaries and economics.
Here’s where the story takes a turn from small-town drama to chef’s-kiss petty revenge: The police, perhaps tired of playing Uber for the local boozehound, refuse to give him a ride. Instead, they turn to our narrator. Would he be willing to drive the boyfriend home?
Before he can answer, his wife seizes the moment: “Not for free, he won’t.”
You can almost hear the record scratch as the officers flip from authority figures to auctioneers. “How much money do you have on you?” they ask the boyfriend. He empties his pockets—$40 or $60, a king’s ransom for a 5-minute ride and a night’s worth of regret. The police, clearly enjoying this turn of events, instruct him to hand over the cash or face a ride in the back of the squad car (with added charges). The choice is clear: pay up and get chauffeured home, or experience the joys of county hospitality.
The Sweet Taste of Petty Revenge
There’s a particular satisfaction that comes from standing your ground, especially when dealing with repeat offenders. This wasn’t just about a ride; it was about setting a boundary and making sure the message stuck. Charging the town drunk for his own “rescue” is the kind of poetic justice that small-town stories are made of.
And let’s not overlook the real MVP: the wife, who saw an opportunity to turn a stressful situation into a payday. Her quick thinking and zero tolerance for nonsense not only protected her family’s peace but also delivered a memorable lesson to someone who clearly needed it.
Why This Story Resonates
Petty revenge isn’t always about grand gestures; sometimes, it’s about reclaiming a little dignity when someone else tries to steamroll your boundaries. In a world where being the “nice guy” often results in more headaches, this story reminds us that it’s okay to demand respect—and even a little compensation—when someone crosses the line.
So next time the town drunk comes knocking, just remember: a ride home isn’t free, especially when it comes at the cost of your family’s peace and quiet.
What would you have done in this situation? Have your own tale of small-town petty revenge? Share your stories in the comments below—because in towns big or small, a little bit of justice goes a long way!
Original Reddit Post: You just want a ride? OK, but it's going to cost you