When Trains Kiss, But Don’t Coupling: A Hilarious Tale of Malicious Compliance on the Rails
If you’ve ever played with LEGOs, you know the sweet satisfaction of snapping those tiny blocks together—the click, the connection, the feeling of a job well done. Now, imagine doing that, but instead of plastic bricks, you’re working with multi-ton trains. The stakes (and the potential for disaster) are just a bit higher.
But what if your boss told you to stop with all that “snapping” and gently tap your LEGOs together—over and over—until, magically, they stuck? Welcome to the world of railroad malicious compliance, where common sense meets the rulebook, and hilarity ensues.
A Signalman, a By-the-Book Boss, and the Art of Train "Kissing"
Let’s set the scene: It’s an era when trains are shorter, lanterns are the original text message, and safety regulations are… well, let’s just say they’re still a work in progress. Our hero is a Signalman—think conductor’s right hand, lantern in hand, riding the caboose, keeping the engine driver informed with a flicker of light.
Enter the new manager. Fresh on the job, he’s determined to run the depot “by the book.” Unfortunately, the book in question was apparently written by someone who thought trains were as delicate as a first date. The coupling instructions? Bring the trains together nice and slow, let them “kiss,” and everything will magically lock into place.
But here’s the thing: train couplings are not made for romance. They demand a proper jolt—a Bang! worthy of their weight class. Anything less, and those titanic connectors just nuzzle, stubbornly refusing to do their job.
Malicious Compliance on the Rails
So, one day, our Signalman’s crew is getting ready to couple the engine to a line of waiting cars. Manager McRulebook sprints up, arms flailing, determined to make sure everything is done exactly as written. The engine driver, a seasoned pro, knows the book’s advice is about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but orders are orders.
What follows is a slow-motion ballet of futility: the engine creeps backward, the couplings “kiss,” and… nothing. No satisfying snap, no connection, not even a tremor. The driver pulls forward, tries again. Kiss. No coupling. Fifteen minutes go by, then thirty. The only thing connecting is the manager’s stubbornness and the driver’s growing irritation.
Meanwhile, our Signalman stands at the back, watching the proceedings through a mix of disbelief and amusement, signaling each failed attempt with his trusty lantern. The train is now officially behind schedule, and the depot looks more like a slow-speed dating event than a transportation hub.
When the Rulebook Gets Derailed
Eventually, a higher-up (the Depot Master, perhaps) arrives to investigate the world’s slowest game of train tag. After getting the full rundown, he delivers a much-needed dose of reality: “Let the people who actually work on trains get the job done.”
With the green light from someone who actually knows what’s what, the driver does what he should have done thirty minutes ago. He pulls forward just enough, lets out a warning whistle, and reverses at a healthy clip. The couplers meet with a resounding Bang! The entire line shudders—job done, connection made.
As the train finally rolls out, our Signalman gets a parting view of the thoroughly chastised manager, arms crossed and ego bruised, getting a verbal lashing from the Depot Master. Malicious compliance had triumphed—and the schedule could finally get back on track.
Why This Story Still Resonates
Why do tales like this survive decades and generations? Because we’ve all met a “by-the-book” boss who confuses rules with wisdom. Sometimes, the people on the ground know better than the people writing the manuals. Sure, rules keep us safe—but when the rulebook says to “make trains kiss,” and real-world experience says you need a “Bang!”—you listen to the railroaders, not the romantics.
It’s a reminder that, whether you’re coupling trains or just trying to get your LEGO masterpiece to hold together, a little practical know-how goes a long way. And sometimes, the best way to expose a bad rule is to follow it to the letter and let the results speak for themselves.
Have You Witnessed Malicious Compliance?
Have you ever followed a ridiculous rule just to prove a point? Or maybe you’ve seen a manager insist on “by the book” to everyone’s detriment? Share your stories in the comments—let’s keep the tales of workplace wisdom (and woe) rolling!
And next time you hear a train coupling with a mighty Bang!, remember: sometimes, you need more than a kiss to get the job done.
Original Reddit Post: In Order To Couple Trains, The Book Says To Make Them Kiss