When Your Birthday Isn’t About You: How One Redditor Outsmarted a Narcissistic Mom
Picture this: It’s your birthday. You show up for a small family lunch, ready for a low-key celebration with loved ones. Instead, you’re greeted by a mother who’s already seething because you dared to arrive—wait for it—15 minutes before the scheduled time. Not late, mind you. Early. And the crime? You somehow “kept her waiting for nearly 2 hours!”
Welcome to the saga of u/faustian_foibles, whose story of petty revenge against a boundary-stomping mom had Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge community alternately laughing, sighing, and dishing out armchair therapy. If you’ve ever dealt with a family member who just can’t let someone else have the spotlight, grab your popcorn—this one’s for you.
“It’s Not About You”: The Birthday That Wasn’t
Our protagonist, u/faustian_foibles, describes their mom as “complicated”—sometimes selflessly helpful, but all too often a master of ruining good times. The birthday lunch was set for 1pm; OP (original poster) arrived at 12:45, only to be immediately berated by Mom for “keeping her waiting.” After 15 minutes of relentless scolding, OP finally snapped: “If this is how you’re going to act, maybe you should just leave.”
But Mom, ever the martyr, refused. Instead, she declared, “This was never about you—it’s about me getting to spend time with my grandchildren.” Cue the record scratch.
So, OP did what any self-respecting victim of birthday usurpation would do: They spent the entire lunch monopolizing the kids, leaving their mom to sulk in the corner. “She got to sit in the corner pouting, while I enjoyed some quality nibling time,” OP gleefully reported. That’s right—if the day wasn’t about them, it certainly wasn’t going to be about their mother either.
The community’s verdict? Chef’s kiss. As u/poundlandSidBassett put it, “Happy birthday, shame your mother spoiled it.” OP later admitted that while they “fell apart a bit” at home, the time with the kids was genuinely joyful—proof that even in the midst of family drama, you can find silver linings (and a little revenge).
Narcissists, Time Travelers, and the Art of Petty Revenge
Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge crowd knows a narcissist when they see one. “Your mother is acting like a narcissist,” declared u/Skankyho1, echoing the sentiment of dozens of others. Apparently, the “it’s my grandkids’ day” move is a classic, with several commenters sharing eerily similar experiences.
u/Ranos131 suggested an easy fix for next year: “Plan something with just your brother and his family so your birthday can actually be about you without the extra drama.” Others went one better—tell her the wrong restaurant, or the wrong time entirely. As u/MsSamm counseled, “If you’re planning lunch at 1pm, tell her it’s at 3pm.” Early birds, meet your match.
And about that time-traveling accusation? The math didn’t add up for anyone. u/Stained_concrete mused, “How is turning up 15 minutes early translate into being two hours late?” Theories abounded: Did Mom actually arrive at 10am? Was she just sitting in the parking lot, fuming? OP clarified, “While I do doubt that she was really 2 hours early, from past experience…anywhere from 1 hour to at least 30 minutes early.” Time, apparently, is a flexible concept in Mom’s world.
Family Drama and the Power of Boundaries
The real heart of this story, though, lies in the community’s empathy—and their call for boundaries. Many pointed out that OP’s mom isn’t even allowed unsupervised access to her grandkids, due to habitual “boundary stomping.” As u/Lickwidghost exclaimed, “This adds a whole new level of wtfery to the situation.”
Others, like u/friendlily, got real: “You have the power to change that. It’s not easy, I know, but it is an option.” Commenters recommended everything from “putting mom in timeout” to going low- or no-contact, with stories of their own narcissistic parents sprinkled throughout. u/AlternativeRabbit691 shared, “It took me until I was in my 40’s to realize no contact was needed for my narcissistic mother. The first month is hard, then you feel liberated.”
OP took the advice to heart, noting, “I am going very low contact with her and she’s in for a very rude awakening when she sees how that’s going to limit the contact she has with those kids.” Turns out, sometimes petty revenge is just the first step to a happier, healthier life.
“Nibling” Time, Not Narcissist Time
If you’re wondering what “nibling” means, you’re not alone. u/Warm-Net-6238 had to ask, and the answer—courtesy of u/onceIwas15—delighted everyone: “A gender-neutral way of saying nieces and nephews. Also it’s shorter.” As OP put it, “I’m actually really proud that instead of letting her ruin it for me—I found a way to enjoyably ruin it for her.”
The takeaway? Even if you can’t change a narcissist, you can change how you react—and sometimes, that’s the most satisfying revenge of all.
Conclusion: What Would You Do?
Family dynamics can be tricky, especially when someone seems determined to hijack your happiest moments. The r/PettyRevenge community offered solidarity, advice, and more than a few laughs. Maybe you’ve got your own stories of a drama-stealing relative, or perhaps you’ve found clever ways to reclaim your own celebrations.
What’s your best tip for dealing with a spotlight-hogging family member? Drop your thoughts below—or, if you’re feeling inspired, maybe it’s time to plan your next “nibling”-centric event. Just make sure to double-check the time…and keep your sense of humor handy.
Original Reddit Post: Mum said my birthday wasn't about me - so I made sure it wasnt about her either