Zip Ties, Butter Blades, and Petty Justice: The Art of Non-Damaging Car Revenge
You know what’s more satisfying than a spotless garden or a freshly parked car? Serving up a piping hot dish of petty, totally harmless revenge to those who seem determined to make your day a little bit worse. Whether it’s a neighbor who thinks the world is their trash can or a driver who believes parking etiquette is for mere mortals, the internet has spoken: sometimes, a little creative payback is just what the situation calls for.
Recently, Reddit’s r/PettyRevenge became the stage for a tale that’s equal parts clever, hilarious, and inspiring. The story starts predictably enough—a neighbor litters, a good citizen tries to nudge them toward decency, but things escalate in the most entertaining way. And, as it turns out, the community has no shortage of their own tricks, stories, and “petty but prudent” wisdom to add to the mix.
The Zip Tie Gambit: When Polite Nudges Fail
Our protagonist, u/Playmad37, witnessed a neighbor brazenly tossing trash from her car into the building’s hedge. Like any hopeful human, they first tried the “gentle nudge” approach: returned the trash to her windshield with a silent message of accountability. But hope springs eternal—and so does the neighbor’s apathy. The next morning, the trash was still there, now littering the parking lot.
Enter Dad, described as “really vindicative but at the same time prudent.” This is the kind of guy whose idea of justice is following someone home just to deflate their tires for cutting an elderly lady in line. When asked for advice, Dad delivered the ultimate in non-destructive, supremely annoying car punishment: the zip tie.
Here’s the recipe: Take a big zip tie, bind the windshield wipers tightly in their upright position, and leave a note—and, of course, the offending trash. The beauty? No permanent damage, but maximum inconvenience. The neighbor, presumably late for work, had to trek back home for scissors. Paranoia: activated.
As u/delulu4drama sang, “Zippity doo da…🎶 Ziptie-ay, your wipers won’t work today.” The crowd went wild.
Petty, Not Destructive: A Community’s Arsenal of Annoyance
What makes this story a classic isn’t just the zip tie revenge, but how it unlocked a treasure trove of petty wisdom from the r/PettyRevenge old guard and newcomers alike.
One standout: u/jim_br reminisced about the “late 1970s gas crisis” and a more analog form of revenge—installing locking gas caps to flummox would-be thieves or inconsiderate parkers. Others, like u/nobodyparticular60, shared the “tiny rock in the valve stem” trick: a slow tire leak that’s inconvenient but harmless, and easy to pass off as bad luck.
Of course, the internet’s creativity knows no bounds. Here are a few of the most deviously hilarious, yet non-damaging, ideas the thread produced: - Buttered wipers: u/That_Jicama2024’s mom would run a bead of squeeze margarine on a culprit’s wipers, leaving a smudgy mess that took ages to clean. As u/Altitudedog quipped, “Proper use of margarine because it sure isn't for eating.” - Honey on wipers: As u/AnoukK9 confessed, it’s sticky, a bug magnet, and depending on your local wildlife, possibly a bear invitation. - Bicycle inner tubes on tailpipes: u/highestwelder described the hilarious noises cars make when you stuff a cut tube inside. Bonus points for creativity. - Shopping cart attachment: Multiple commenters, including u/millhelpot, keep zip ties handy for affixing shopping carts to the bumpers of cars blocking driveways or reserved spots.
But, as many pointed out, the golden rule is clear: Don’t cause damage. As u/OklahomaRose7914 put it, “Petty and effective without causing any damage or harm.” Even the OP’s dad’s legendary tire-deflating exploits were lauded for their lack of lasting harm—just enough to make someone think twice next time.
The Evolution of Petty: From Milk Mayhem to Harmonicas on Mufflers
While the zip tie trick is a masterclass in non-destructive payback, some tales from the thread venture into the realm of the truly diabolical (or just plain disgusting). Take u/picklewallop’s full-fat milk revenge: after a false insurance claim, a bottle of milk was poured onto the culprit’s back seat. The result? “He changed his car 6 months later.” For the record, milk + summer heat = a smell you’ll never forget.
Other creative suggestions included zip-tying harmonicas under a car’s muffler (thanks u/II_Confused), or, for the more mischievous, swapping out harmonicas for particularly odorous items. But beware: while these ideas are funny in theory, they can veer into actual damage or create biohazards—so stick to the classics if you want to keep your karma (and criminal record) clean.
And for every “pro zip” supporter (shout-out to u/sphinxyhiggins), there’s a pragmatist like u/nunofmybusiness: “I’m now going to put scissors in my car, just in case.” Zip ties and scissors: a petty revenge toolkit, or the makings of an awkward conversation with the cops? You decide.
Honorable Mentions: Parking Wars and the Universal Language of Petty
Parking disputes, it turns out, are the universal trigger for revenge creativity. From snowstorm “dibs” in Chicago (u/BabyKatsMom’s used French fry oil revenge) to the classic “freeze the car in a block of ice” move (u/Alexis_J_M), the possibilities are endless—as long as you keep it safe, legal, and, above all, petty.
And let’s not forget the emotional satisfaction. As u/The_Vickster42 summed up after hearing about OP’s dad’s tire-deflating justice: “This beyond even my level of petty, and made me laugh so hard! Please tell your dad I would shake his hand for this if I saw him.”
Conclusion: The Petty Code—Creative, Harmless, and Infuriating
So, next time a neighbor treats your shared space like their personal landfill, or someone parks with absolute disregard for humanity, remember: a well-placed zip tie might be all it takes to restore the cosmic balance. The key, as the r/PettyRevenge community shows, is to keep it clever, keep it harmless, and always, always keep your sense of humor.
Got a tale of petty, non-destructive revenge? Share it in the comments—because the world can always use more creative ways to say, “I saw what you did, and I’m not letting it slide.”
Happy zip-tying, butter-blading, and parking-spot defending!
Original Reddit Post: Sharing my dad's petty revenge trick