How a Cool Aussie Priest Served Up the Sweetest Petty Revenge on His Altar Boys
Some stories about childhood mischief end with a stern lecture, a phone call home, or, in the worst cases, a lifelong aversion to dark church basements. But every now and then, a tale comes along that’s as sweet as a block of chocolate—unless, of course, you’re nine years old and the chocolate is 90% cacao.
Today we’re diving into a classic from r/PettyRevenge: the time two altar boys got caught sampling the sacred wine and received a lesson in consequences that was equal parts clever, wholesome, and just the right shade of petty. Grab your favorite chocolate bar and settle in—this one’s a treat.
Mischief at the Altar: A Vintage Aussie Caper
Picture it: Australia, 1970s. The air is thick with the scent of eucalyptus and mischief. Our protagonists—two nine-year-old altar boys—have just wrapped up their Saturday Mass duties. With the priest outside, they spot temptation in the form of a bottle of altar wine. A few daring gulps later, and Father makes his entrance, catching them red-handed (or perhaps, red-lipped).
But instead of unleashing holy fury, this priest—who, by the way, drove a black ragtop 1966 Chevy Impala, making him the coolest cleric in the Outback—simply admonishes them and sends them on their way. As the original poster, u/ZanyChonk, recalls, “He was a very nice fellow,” and not the type for fire-and-brimstone discipline.
The Gift That Keeps on Giving (to Parents, Not Kids)
Fast forward to the festive glow of Midnight Mass. It’s tradition for the priest to thank his altar boys with a gift—Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate, the kind with all the fun flavors, a kid’s dream. One by one, the boys collect their chocolatey prizes… until our wine-sipping duo steps forward.
Instead of the coveted Dairy Milk, they’re handed blocks of Cadbury Old Gold: a dark chocolate so bitter that most kids would rather do extra confession than eat it. With a wink, the priest says, “Well boys, I think Mum and Dad might really enjoy some of that chocolate.” It’s a masterclass in gentle, memorable consequences—no anger, no shaming, just a cold (and slightly bitter) serving of poetic justice.
Reddit loved it. As u/Tigbitties89 aptly put it, “This is wholesome petty and I love it! You weren't humiliated by missing out entirely, but it was a good lesson in not stealing church booze. Then it's up to you to explain to your parents why you had different chocolate to the other kids. Perfect.” The best part? OP admits he didn’t fess up to his parents—he just re-gifted the chocolate to his dad the next day for Christmas, who, as fate would have it, loved the stuff.
Wholesome Petty: The Internet’s Verdict
While Reddit can be a place for drama, this story drew a chorus of appreciation for the priest’s style. “He sounds awesome,” wrote u/No-BSing-Here, to which OP replied with gratitude for the gentle men of his church. It sparked nostalgia and laughter, with others recalling their own altar boy adventures—like the time u/NoSummer1345’s dad kicked over a giant bell during Mass, or u/DeepLeek27’s priest who insisted on filling the chalice to the brim (and then downed it in one go).
Some commenters mused that the priest was probably looking forward to the wine himself (“The priest was planning on chugging it once the parishioners left,” joked u/BordicChernomyrdin), while u/KyleSidebotton suggested a next-level troll: “Pairs well with red wine” would have been the coup de grace on those Old Gold bars.
A few chimed in about chocolate preferences—turns out, not every kid is repulsed by dark chocolate, as u/kcarscadden and u/MLiOne pointed out. “Wouldn’t have deterred me. I loved that stuff and chocolate ginger as a kid,” u/MLiOne wrote, proving that even the best-laid penance can go awry if the ‘punishment’ is actually a treat.
Lessons in Gentle Justice
In a world where discipline can be harsh or humorless, stories like this remind us that the best lessons don’t always require thunderbolts. Sometimes, a priest with a cool car, a quick wit, and a taste for subtlety can leave a lasting impression—one that’s remembered decades later and shared thousands of times online.
As one commenter, u/hollowthatfollows, cheekily summed it up: “Finally, a priest and altar boy story that doesn’t end in trauma.” Instead, it ends with a smile, a bit of family re-gifting, and a memory as rich (and maybe as bitter) as a block of Old Gold.
Share Your Sweet (or Bitter) Stories!
Have you ever received a gentle but unforgettable lesson in childhood mischief? Do you still hold a grudge against dark chocolate, or did you secretly love the stuff? Drop your own stories below—after all, the best revenge is sharing a laugh with someone who’s been there too.
Original Reddit Post: Priest gets petty revenge on young altar boys